Ok, so I know you’re thinking “I don’t lie to my spouse!”, but maybe you should take a closer look. Sometimes a lie is in what we DON’T say, rather than what we do. For example, if our wife asks us a question like “how are you doing? Is there something wrong?” and we answer with the normal guy “no, there’s nothing wrong, I’m fine” even if we aren’t – that’s a lie. Or sometimes if you’re like me, you think your wife should figure it out, and know why you might be upset, even though we don’t want to let her know we’re struggling with something, or even want to bring it up! How is that fair to her? She may be our wife, but she is NOT a mind reader. We always complain about women being “hard to read” and “why don’t you just come out and say it?!” when in reality, we can be just as bad!
If there is a topic that needs to be discussed, no matter how much we think that “she should know” and come to us with something like “hon, I can read your mind, and I know that you would like to talk about this, so I want to know more about (insert topic)”, it’s probably not going to happen. Instead, why don’t we go to HER and say something like “hey hon, I need to talk to you about something when you get a free minute.” Oh, and don’t expect her to drop the dishes, put the kids in bed, and say “ok hon, I’m all yours”, when you ask! Just letting her know that you need to talk” (yes I said it) puts the ball in her court.
When she does have time to sit down and listen, don’t come across in a “I can’t believe I need to tell you this, because I think you should have known already” way! Remember, she has no idea of what you’ve been stewing about for the last few days, that only now you are bringing up. Oh, and stay away from the “YOU do this” and “why can’t YOU figure this out” type of statements. Start with “when this happens, it makes me feel this way”. Our wives can relate with the “I feel” part a lot better, than with the “you do this” emotion.
I know it’s not the “guy way” to be emotionally vulnerable to our wives, and actually talk about what we are feeling, but it’s something we have to do if we are going to maintain a good solid relationship with our wives. Let’s not settle for “easy” when if we put a little more work into it, we ADD a GREAT DEAL to the relationship, instead of taking away. Like it or not, being close to our wives takes more than just sex.
Oh, and I only talk about this, because I’m the poster chid for this behavior. But my wife deserves better. Doesn’t yours?
What are your thoughts?