“What’s the big deal about Underwear?” (A post for the wives)

This is a re-post from 2012 – 
Ok, am I really devoting a whole post to the subject of underwear? Sure am! And here’s why –

I’ve heard a lot of wives say “I just don’t think like my husband does. I wish I could just get inside his head sometimes”. First, I’m not sure you really mean that, since you might find it pretty boring at times (he really only thinks about one thing at a time?!), but there’s also a very good reason you don’t’ think like he does: You’re not a man. Men have a tendency to think thoughts that make wives get that look on their face of “really? when I do that, it makes you feel this way?” Trust me, every husband knows the look. It’s the same look you would give us if we suddenly told you that we wanted to try and build a rocket in the back yard that would put the first man on Mars.

That being said, I wanted to let you amazing wives in on a little secret, and it has to do with your underwear. But first, a little disclaimer – I’m telling you in this post how MOST husbands/guys think. There is always an exception to this rule, but odds are, your husband thinks like this. If you can read the following with an open mind, and with an attitude of “I want to learn how my husband thinks“, you’ll be blown away by how it will affect your husband if you try it.Ok, here goes –

What a wife chooses to wear for underwear, is a big deal for her husband. I know, I can see your eyes rolling already, but stay with me here. What a wife has a hard time understanding at times, is how much  this “talks” to her husband about how much she loves, desires, and cares about not only their sex life, but him in general. For example, if you’re always wearing black or tan “granny panties” and matching very “functional” but not at all “flirty” bra, you’re “saying”  TO HIM that you don’t really care about your sex life much, and you have pretty much given up on being flirty or fun in that area, for the sake of “hey, it’s just underwear, and it works just fine”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it was much easier to do this kind of thing, and actually think about it, BEFORE those little humans invaded your home called “children”. We get it if you need to wear a nursing bra (and no, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cute nursing bra) for those times in life when you’re breastfeeding. No problem. But the tendency is that once you’ve traded in the “sexy” for the “practical”, it’s just easier to not go back. And it matters to your husband. He may not say it, or even mention it anymore, but I guarantee he notices.

What’s the big deal? It’s just underwear! It’s not like anybody sees it besides him anyway. I don’t want to spend the extra money on cute panties, when I could just go to Costco and buy a 12 pack for $10!”

To a wife, that makes perfect sense, but let me let you in on what your husband is “hearing” when you decide to spend a few extra bucks on the cute, flirty, and a little sexier set. He is hearing things like “My wife knows that I’m the only person that ever sees those parts of her, but still takes the extra effort to know what I like, and wear them for me”. It makes your husband feel like he is still the priority over the kids, over your yoga class, over all the other stuff in your day. It makes him feel secure in knowing that you VALUE your intimate time together. It makes him feel like you desire him. It makes him feel like you VALUE him, and get a kick out of giving him little “thrills” like this. It also drives him crazy (in a good way), guessing on what you might be wearing “under there” that only he gets to see later. I know it’s a hard one to understand, but basically by wearing cute, flirty underwear, you’re telling your husband you love, desire, and take delight in enticing him (even though you may not understand the big deal) in this way. Who knew that underwear could say so much?!

One other thing, because I know you’re thinking it – Cute, sexy underwear, doesn’t have to be uncomfortable! I’m not suggesting you always have to wear some kind of leather thong, or push up bra! What I’m asking you to do, is find out what kind of underwear your husband likes, and to do that, maybe even take him shopping for it with you! Let me tell you, if you have a hard time getting him to give you a clothing budget, you will more than likely have no issue finding the “funding” for this shopping trip, if you word it something like this – “Hey hon, I was wanting to go shopping for some cuter panties and bra sets. Maybe you could even show me some you like. Would that be ok?”  – and watch that man go for his wallet! 🙂 Another thing, guys get a little uncomfortable in “those kind” of stores, so when you go in, YOU have to make it look like it was YOUR idea to everyone watching. Then when you get to the picking them out part, he’s probably going to be a little shy to take the lead, and start picking stuff out, so a way that works good, is to pretend your “browsing” through the different panties/bras, and the whole time be quietly giving him the “yes or no?” look. He’ll be THRILLED that you are letting him have a say in what you choose. And don’t be afraid to compromise! Odds are, he’ll be a little more interested in the lace thong, than you will be, but maybe go for the more “normal” set with a lace back, or something like that. He’s still have a big goofy grin on his face, and you’ll end up with panties/bras you’ll actually be able to wear on a daily basis.

You have no idea how much your husband is in awe of your nude form. It’s hard for wives to understand this, because they sometimes have issues with how they think they look, or are insecure about that little bit of leftover baby weight. But let me tell you without a shadow of a doubt, your husband couldn’t care less. When he looks at you, he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Please understand this. You are his vision of beauty. Weight doesn’t matter. Stretch marks don’t  matter. All that matters for him is the attitude you set forth when we tries to look at you in that way. He doesn’t want/need you to change anything before you “look good enough”. He’s totally happy with how you look now. Your husband is totally in love with the woman he married, and that is all he’s thinking about when he looks at you. (ok, so maybe a few other thoughts I can’t type out on a blog, but mostly that). When you show him that you not only “put up” with him looking at you in this way, but LIKE, and even ENCOURAGE it, you will have thought you had just given him the world. I guess, Because in a small way, you just did.

  1. 100% agree – can you agree more than 100%? If I could, I would. It also makes such a difference when a woman wears lingerie confidently.Meaning, how my wife wears lingerie is even more important than what she wears. Thanks for a great and much-needed post.

  2. There are a lot of online retailers that sell cute, sexy nursing bras and they are regularly featured on deal websites like zulilly at cheaper prices than the boring nursing bras you find at the mall.

  3. Love this! I”m gonna give it a try!

    • livinginblurredlines
    • November 17th, 2012

    I LOVE cute underwear. I love sexy underwear. And thankfully, hubby and I have the same preference in what I wear for underwear. You want affordable, sexy, comfortable underwear, check out http://www.intimo.com for 100% silk string bikini underwear. It looks good, feels good (on you and for him to rub against) and it isn’t that expensive. A word of caution, though to men….the website can be a bit explicit in what the models dress in, so maybe your wife should shop alone this time.

    As a bonus, the website sells men’s “lingerie” as well, silk boxers, silk pj pants, man-thongs (although I don’t find that very sexy).

    The only part of your post that I don’t agree with is a husband seeing his wife as the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe some husbands do, but I don’t think all husbands do. (I’m referring to average Christian husbands in general). My hubby thinks i’m beautiful, yes, but I doubt he’d say I was the most beautiful woman in the world, even to him. I’ve NEVER heard him say that and he’s certainly got quite the file cabinet in his brain of nude women to draw upon. What man doesn’t? I know I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world.

    Unless, of course, you’re referring to beauty more than the naked form of your wife. If you’re referring to the whole package, inside and out, then yes, I think my hubby would agree that I am IT, #1.

    • Thanks for the link and comment!

      As far as men seeing their wives as the most beautiful woman in the world, here’s my take on it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I can honestly say that I would rather see my wife nude, than any supermodel in the world. And to me, she IS the most beautiful woman on earth. She may not fit into the version of “perfect beauty” that Vouge tries to sell you, or that swimsuit models fill the pages of Sports Illustrated, but not my beautiful.

      I don’t want to have a “file cabinet” of nude women in my head. I don’t want images other then of my wife, popping into my head. I want her. She is more than enough for me, and blows the Photoshopped, retouched, fake resemblance of “beauty” the world offers, away.

      Maybe I’m kind of strange in a world of comparisons, but in my world, no woman even comes close. 🙂

        • livinginblurredlines
        • November 17th, 2012

        Then your wife is one blessed woman and you are a king among husbands!

      • Great article, and great response to the above comment.
        No husband should have a “file cabinet” he can refer to. Oh, we all inevitably are exposed to things in our culture, but a loving, Christian husband labors in the Spirit to keep his mind purely devoted to his wife in this. God is great at clearing out those file cabinets, I’ve found!
        And you’re right in two other regards: my wife IS the most beautiful woman in the world, because she’s mine, and her beauty only begins at the skin level.
        And even at the skin level, it’s amazing how outer beauty is enhanced by inner strength and confidence. A woman who knows she is loved (by God and her husband) and who loves herself gains a certain allure for her husband by the confidence with which she carries herself. Of course, here, the important prerequisite is that she knows she’s loved. So her husband mustn’t fail her in this.
        Thanks again.

    • workinprogress
    • November 19th, 2012

    Funny that I should stumble on this today as just this weekend we were having an “undies talk”. Come to find out, he isn’t impressed with my ratty stuff :-). I told him he needs to come shopping and help me pick something out, but he *really* resists going into lingere stores/departments. It did get my attention though and I have determined to always buy the matching panties to my bras in the future. In my defense, I do buy pretty bras, but have fallen into sticking with the same boring underwear that I find comfortable and that work under pretty much anything I’m wearing.
    Things are going to change around here!

    • lol, nice! He’s going to be one happy man! 😉

        • workinprogress
        • November 20th, 2012

        So, is there an effective way that we wives can communicate to our husbands about things that we’d rather not see them in? I’m thinking shirts that are 2 sizes too big, fleece zip up jackets that should only be worn camping or hunting, ratty t-shirts, “dad” jeans? Any time I try to pursuade my husband to try to find shirts that are more fitted (a big turn on for me) he gets defensive and claims that they aren’t comfortable. Well buddy, these thongs aren’t the height of comfort either! How can I communicate about this without being a nagging, complaining wife?

      • That is a hard one. Style for guys really depends on the guy. Has he always dressed in “dad jeans”, even when he was “younger”? Has he EVER been into more of a “modern/preppy” look?

        Also, I think if you have an honest conversation with him and tell him it really get’s your engines running when he dresses a certain way, not many guys would’t go for that one….lol!

    • userdand
    • November 28th, 2012

    I always hear the comfort thing from my wife and I’m sure there is something to it, but there has to be something that can at least be worn on special ocassions for a limited amount of time. The sad reality though is that my wife has enough body image issues that not only does she prefer near dark lighting during sex, but she will not dress or undress with me in the same room. She will try to wear something sexy to bed, for sex, not to sleep in of course, but there isn’t much time or lighting allowed to appreciate her and it. She enters a darkened room and you get what you get. So, there are bigger issues than panties and bras in my life unfortunately. I be happy to settle for the naked body right now, with more lighting thankyou.

      • Oopsthatsme
      • January 10th, 2014

      Ok, this is totally me! Thanks for writing it… I hide under the covers when dressing up and I rarely dress in front of him too. haha. We’ve had a few kids and Im conscious of my stomach bulge and weight gain/stretch marks. Maybe it’s because he’s good at pointing out other people’s weight on tv….then I can’t help but wonder what he thinks of me! I used to get really frustrated because I knew I had let myself go and got busy with the kids. (Sweats/tshirts/ponytails) I’d ask him to tell me what he likes to see me in, even if it was just a color he’d like to see me in, but its like pulling teeth. My husband rarely says what he likes on me. I’d have to ask and I get the generic “Its nice” answer.

      I think it all goes back to good communication and feeling comfortable about talking about things. We come from conservative backgrounds and he says he feels pushy if he tells me to wear something. But communication is key. He made a comment about me shaving my legs more frequently…well guess what? I shave them every shower! I didn’t know lighting was an issue until it came up after 6 years of marriage…so I’m venturing into using dim lighting…baby steps lol. These are things I didn’t know made a difference to him because we never talked about it. I thought he didn’t care or it didn’t matter. I realize I need to pay more attention to fixing myself, not necessarily for his sake right now, but so that I’d have more confidence in myself. Guess I can’t be too mad if I’m taking all this time to get dressed up, just to jump under the covers with the lights off…and then get hurt he’s not telling how fantastic I look LOL. Funny how I never really looked at it from a mans point of view. Now if only I could get him to open up more…

      • Lol, yeah, babies can really cause the lacy underwear to go all the way to the back of the underwear drawer, that’s for sure!

        And it doesn’t have to be a garter belt and leather, just do simple, but cute. Like a maybe next time when you are going to snuggle on the couch, just wear one of his old t-shirts, with a pair of cute lacy panties underneath. Believe me, he’ll notice. And he’ll love it that you’re taking the time to wear something he likes, without him even asking. You might not make it through the end of the TV show, but hey, it was a repeat anyways. 😉

        A great place that my wife has found for cute, but not REALLY spendy panties (look for the sales, sometimes they have deals where you get 6 pairs, for so much) is American Eagle (no, I’m not getting paid to say that).

        Good luck!

      • Well, Oops, this body image issue is so frustrating for both husband and wife. We want to see you naked or in sexy clothing or both. We want you to be flirty and feel sexy and playful and enjoy sex.

        You are worried about the appearance of your body as a whole or maybe only specific parts of it. You want to hide it/them with clothing, covers and poor lighting. At one time you MAY have flaunted it in front of us. Sadly, you may, like us, wish you still were flaunting it.

        What are we both to do?

    • Ty
    • November 29th, 2012

    As a Man, I must concur. This is a great read, and something wives should take into consideration.

    • Cletus
    • April 2nd, 2013

    Maybe this whole underwear thing doesnt apply to me. I go to bed in my birthday suit and we have sex in the morning(in broad daylight I dont hide my body) while still in bed. But I never change in front of him. if hes always seeing my nude form he may become ‘desensitised’ to it. So he only sees me naked for sex when he is wowed by seeing me bare again. He never really sees my underwear lol.

    • Hey, whatever works for you guys, but I bet if you asked him if he’d like to see you in your underwear, he wouldn’t go “no thanks”. Lol! 😉

      Gerad

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