Sounds attractive doesn’t it? Here’s the scenario:
Your wife doesn’t pick up on the little hints you’ve been dropping for the past few days that you need something. This “something” could be anything you think she should know, that you want/need done, but with us guys it mostly applies when she’s missing your cues that you need some sexual attention from her. After a few days of continuing to miss our “incredibly obvious hints” (at least to us), we husbands tend to start doing what I call “the man pout”. Nothing too obvious, just a slight “cold shoulder” towards our wives. It’s not that we don’t have conversation with her, we just limit our responses to be a little shorter than they would normally be. Our goal here is to hopefully cause her to figure out that something may be wrong, even though if she were to ask if something was wrong, we would answer with an over done “nothing’s wrong hon, I’m fine”, because we believe she should KNOW what’s wrong. When we’re “man pouting”, even if we think of something that we want to tell our wives about, we wait, because having a normal conversation may make her think that everything is “ok” between us. Other common symptoms may include lowering our voice a little, and adding a “slightly sad” or “depressed sounding” tone to it. Surely she’ll figure it out now! Right? Wrong.
Somehow in all this childish behavior, we forgot a couple of things. First off, did we actually come out and ask her for what we were dropping all of our “most obvious” hints about? For example, did we come out and say “Hey hon, I’ve been thinking about you all day, and would really love to spend some time with you after the kids go to bed tonight”, or did you just do things like grab her butt when you hugged her today, or asked her “how she was feeling” – hoping she would read into it what we wanted her to read?
“But she should just know what I need” – Huh. I find it funny how we always complain when she expects us to “know how she’s feeling” or what she wants in any given situation, but yet when the shoe is on the other foot, we expect the same thing! She isn’t going to pick up on your little hints, any more than we pick up on hers most of the time. I do believe a husband and wife can train themselves to pick up on the other person’s hints, but it doesn’t come naturally (that’s a post for another day), so stop expecting her to! Remember how we always tell her “why don’t you just tell me what you need, instead of just expecting me to “know” what you wanted?” Most times she feels the same way.
Second, she may actually have other things on her mind besides you, and what you need. I know, what a crazy idea for us guys to believe, but especially if she has little kids running around the house all day, she may be so frazzled from her day by the time you get home, that she has barely had time to get some lunch for herself, let alone try to dedicate enough energy to “decode” your subtle hints.
For those of you with small kids, think of it this way – you know the times when your child runs up to you after having an argument with their sibling, or somebody took somebody’s toy away, and they are crying uncontrollably, while at the same time trying to explain what happened? It’s close to impossible to understand what they’re saying. When this happens with my kids, I usually say something like “ok, calm down, I need words! I can’t understand what you’re saying unless you use words! Only then do I finally find out what happened, and what action I need to take. Sometimes it’s the same way in marriage. We get upset if our spouse can’t understand what we’re “saying” (thinking), but if we would just use words and learn to communicate instead of hope our spouse will just “know what we need”, we’d end up with a lot less hurt feelings, and unfulfilled expectations. Besides, a grown man looks pretty ridiculous pouting anyway. 🙂