Her Period and You – A Few “Survival Tips”

 

Yes, I’m going where few men dare to go. Believe me, it took some time to talk myself into doing this post, but here I am. Now why would a guy do a blog post about a woman’s period? Well, because if you’re married (and I’m assuming you are if you’re reading my blog), let’s just say your wife’s period tends to “effect” you also (like causing you to hide in the garage for 3 or 4 days). So, what is it about that time of the month that strikes fear into the most hardened “manly men”? It could be the thought of your wife turning into an irrational, irritable ball of emotions, but I think it’s mostly because we don’t understand it. At all. So in the interest of being a “student of our wives”, let’s delve into this “terrifying subject” that few men are brave enough to think about – let alone address – and see if we can’t learn how to at least support her through it, and not lose our minds in the process. Ready? (Um, why are you still hiding behind that chair? You realize I can see you right?) Here goes…

Now obviously I don’t know ANYTHING first hand about periods, but my wife sure does, and after a few years of dreading that time each month, I decided to actually ask her some questions about how she feels during “that time”, and what I could do to help her get through them better, and with less frustration aimed at me. Here’s what I found out – They don’t like them either – You think you’re wife’s period is hard on you? Try being the one going through it! Without mentioning the obvious effects, there’s the bloating, cramping, back pain, and need we mention being the passenger on the runaway rollercoaster of emotions that they can’t find a way off of? Doesn’t sound like something I’d volunteer for.

Don’t run the other way – I know this is like saying to “run towards the house fire, not away”, but understand this – most times when they are “going off” about some little thing, and acting like it’s this HUGE issue, it all comes down to a self-esteem thing. Right now their hormones have them feeling like they aren’t doing well at anything, and everything they do is failing or not working right. So your wife yelling at you about putting one white sock in the dark load of laundry, is really her saying that she is upset at herself that she didn’t get the laundry done, and you had to help with it. I know, you might have you read that last sentence again, but according to my lovely wife, that is how they feel. A normal man’s response to this would be to either blow up back at her, or go “whatever” and try to stay away from her as much as possible. Here’s where we mess up though! Instead – what she needs is for you to go up to her and put your arms around her and say something like “it’s ok hon, I love you”. Remember, her acting out is her insecurity about the issue, so what she needs from you is to re-assure her, and tell her that it’s going to be ok. Now I can hear you saying “are you crazy?! You want me to go up to my wife who is currently yelling at me about the smallest issue, and give her a hug?” Yes I am! I KNOW it’s crazy hard to do, but this is marriage, remember? This isn’t a walk in the park. She knows she’s being irrational and making no sense at all, but right now it’s how she is crying out for you to reassure her. If you run the other way, it’s just going to make it worse.

Realize she’s not herself right now – This is a big one for us guys. As guys we tend to take every thing literally, regardless of what time of the month it is. So when your wife says something like “I never have any money to spend for myself, you always buy whatever you want” during her period, don’t go out and put a “For Sale” sign on the boat. Ask her about it in an hour, and she will probably have totally changed her mind, or brush it off like it was no big deal – leaving you totally confused because what she was just making a huge issue of, is now “no big deal”. Say hello to hormones. During her period, my wife says that there are times she feels “normal”, and other times she feels like she’s not herself at all. We have to keep reminding ourselves that this is the case, and if she makes a comment about a large issue that your “I’m going to fix it” personality wants to jump in and fix right away, wait until after she’s done with her period to bring it up again and see if it really needs addressed.

Do the simple stuff – Show her that you care about her not feeling well at the moment. Sure, it’s easier to just grit our teeth and close our eyes until it’s over, but is that being a servant? Remember the whole “sickness and health” part? Warm up a heating pad for her back, help with the housework, do the dishes, cook dinner. These are all simple little things, but they mean a lot to our wives.

There! We made it through! I told you it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought. Or maybe it was. Regardless, at least you’re a little better prepared to deal with it. Oh, and don’t be afraid to ask your wife what would be a help to HER when those days come around every month. Each woman is different, but the principle remains; just because it’s a hard topic, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be willing to help. We need to stop hiding out, and start helping out. It might not be easy, but you’ll be glad you did. 

    • Seth
    • June 29th, 2012

    Great word!! Thanks!

  1. Wow! You hit it spot on! This is a must read for all hubbies trying to navigate that crazy time of the month with us.

    Thanks for this!

  2. Awesome! Very loving and specific

    • kinshu
    • February 4th, 2013

    So sweet
    Actually m currently on my period
    And, m glad to have a very caring and understanding boyfriend

    • joy
    • February 25th, 2013

    Thank you! You are right mainly with the thing about not ignoring your wife. When i felt my hubby ignored me and the severe pain (sleepless nights goin to work like that doing all my duties) i felt he likes me and cares other times bcuz of sex but wen he cant have it (he is not a big fun of like other typees of intercouse) he doesnt care even when i literally cannot stand on my feet. I also felt like letting him down by not being able to do housework properly and by being in pain thus not being able to behave like normally (by that i dont mean rude behaviourbutjust like you guys wen your really sick). I felt like im not likeable and that made me very sad. If you guys withdraw it makes things A LOT WORSE BECAUSE ONE OF YOUR WIFES NEEDS IS YOU AND YOUR CARE WHEN SHE STRUGGLES. wives shud also try to be kind and wise as much as possible to their husbands during their periods.

    • Anthony D.
    • February 25th, 2013

    ” WOW”!!!! Bro u are right on the money with that. Cuz I truly believe its so true. I love my wife so much she’s my true love and soulmate and we must learn and be patient through thier tough times no matter what. Thank u and God Bless u and urs.:)

    • Simon
    • March 3rd, 2013

    I go through pure hell every month or at least every other month. It brings our relationship to the brink and have normally mentally packed my bags and I’m off. I’m stopped because of our son who is 8 and I think what it would do to him.
    I have had discussions with my wife outside of the period times to try and make the next time more dealable with. I make sure she takes supplements every day to try and counter act the stress, like evening primrose etc. I can stop the signs like a freight train coming and when I drop hints they are just ignored. She is adamant that she does not have a problem and that I am paranoid. She thinks there is nothing that can be done to help which then in turn alienates me. To be fair, I am not very supportive when it comes to crunch time as I feel that I have said my bit and she has ignored it. I know it’s probably the right thing to do (put your arms around her etc) but its just the last thing I feel like doing. I just want to run a d hide, keep out of her way and dodge the bullets. The more time goes on the least likely i feel to be supportive, the situations become more stressful and each time I lose a tiny bit of love for her. I am at my tethers end and don’t know what to do. I know and appreciate that I should just fling my arms around her but it very very hard when your in the middle of a battle and your under fire and all you can do to stop yourself from snapping is walk away. Last night, we were meant to go out with some friends and I simply didn’t feel like it. Because I suggested that she should just go, she flipped and asked me to move out. I eventually gave in but later I went to sleep in the spare bedroom and again she said to me that if I do this it’s over. I am simply not going to give in, we are both head strong which makes things slightly worse (like to freight trains on the same track heading in opposite directions) but why should I be the one to give in all the time when she does nothing to help herself?
    I have suffered with a bad back for many years and had treatment off and on. Last year I thought enough was enough and went to see a specialist. My back is more or less normal now, but if I was to keep being irritable and cranky about my condition, I would expect her to keep saying to me to go get it sorted.
    I know there is no cure for this condition, but to be fair there are self help things that you can do or take to make the whole situation easier. If she did these things off her own back then I would probably be more inclined to do the hug thing.
    I don’t know where to turn or what to do from here. I like my life apart from this animal that disrupts it every now and then. I live abroad and it would mean me having to move back home and lose everything and to start again. HELP!

    • Joe C.
    • May 9th, 2013

    Great post and advice. Keep them coming.

    Tried it all out yesterday and it worked beautifully. Thanks!

  3. God bless you! You’re definitely saving a lot of husbands from being blown with fire at this time of their wife’s month! Haha

    • Eric
    • January 18th, 2014

    Agreed with all except the whole put you arm around her thing….she would NOT be happy with me if i did that.

      • Eric
      • January 18th, 2014

      And btw…6 simple words have helped our marriage during “that time of the month”. “a gentle answer turns away wrath.”

    • zoya
    • April 5th, 2014

    thank you so much. very very great information.

    • MelbHusband
    • April 22nd, 2014

    Reading your blog and it’s great to read and very refreshing. Currently I am having some problems in my marriage and I know that applying some of the points in your blog will make an amazing change. However I loved this blog post the most which made me burst out in laughter in knowing my wife. If I go and give her a hug when I make a smell mess up with the washing….she will stab me half way through the attempted hug. Nonetheless, I will try it and will post an update (I won’t purposely put a wrong sock In the wash but I am sure something else will pop up)

    • T4Sc
    • April 4th, 2015

    Not sure if you’re being serious, or trolling your fellow husbands….
    I’m all for being supportive in her time of need, etc., but as a husband who works 5 days a week versus her 3 days, I’d say I do my fair share of house work and some, regardless of what time of the month it is. And I think that’s fair, I’m not complaining.
    What I think this blog post fails to mention, is the fact that both the husband AND wife are responsible for recognising when they’re going through a bad time (regardless of the reason). Being thoughtful of one’s own emotional state and feelings is imperative in order to maintain all types of relationships, and relying completely on somebody else to bare the brunt of your inability to do so is quite selfish, and more importantly, unsustainable.

    • Luis
    • September 4th, 2015

    I just wanted to say thank you, I love my fiancee very much and ofcourse i would do whatever it takes to help her. Well let me be honest I would do anything to make sure i dont have to hear it in the end with her yelling.. Lol she’s already very irrational on a normal day so you can try to imagine her when her evil friend shows up once a month.. Lol reading this has atleast gave me advice on what i could do. I know this post is old but it doesnt matter if its 3-5yrs old her evil friend will still show up every month so thank you.

    • ritz
    • April 20th, 2016
    • M
    • January 25th, 2017

    Wow, this is so nice. I wish I could explain to my husband that when I’m being an annoying jerk, I hate myself for it and wish nothing more than to stop being irritable and be my normal rational, happy self. Most of the time I just want to lay in bed and just stare at a wall and all I want is a hug.

  1. June 15th, 2012

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