We are surrounded by things that tell us that what we have, is not good enough. It’s not “new” enough. It doesn’t have all the things we “really need“. If we just had (insert item here), we would be a lot happier. It’s amazing how much this is shoved down our throats.
As men, we tend to buy into this doctrine a lot more than we may be willing to admit. We play the “let’s compare what I have, to what he has” game quite a bit if we really look at it. It doesn’t matter if it’s our car, boat, house, or even (gasp) our wife, we have this little voice going on in the back of our heads that is constantly “sizing up” what other men have, and arguing back and forth about whose is better, or who deserves it more, etc, etc, etc. If we’re not careful, we allow ourselves to become UNHAPPY – just due to what we feel is an “injustice” that we don’t have as good of a ________ as the other guy has.
When I was a kid, my dad went to work everyday, and my mom stayed home and home schooled and took care of my sister and I. Because we were a “one income family”, and my dad had a “middle class” job, I grew up not having all the “toys” that some of my friends had. We didn’t have a jet boat. We didn’t have a jet skis. We didn’t have a dirt bike for each kid. And you know what? I didn’t miss it at all, because I didn’t know any better! All I knew is that I we had food to eat at each meal, and mom and dad loved each other. I didn’t need anything else. I was happy as a clam with what I had.
Now apply this principle to marriage. Sometimes we start looking around and comparing our wives to “other wives” and secretly thinking “I wish I my wife would do (fill the blank) like she does”, or even “If my wife did (fill in the blank) in bed the way I wanted, our sex life would be so much better”. This “I deserve better” attitude is a sure way to undermine the very relationship that God has given us.
What would happen if instead of always wanting the thing that we don’t have, we started appreciating the things we DO HAVE? Instead of always wishing your wife would have this, this, and this quality, or do this, this and this thing, how remembering all the AMAZING qualities she DOES have? Yeah, you know, the things that you FELL IN LOVE with her for? The amazing way she always knows just what to say when you’ve had a stressful day at work, how she understands you better than anyone else does, how she always does the little things to make sure you know how much she loves you. It’s easy to pick out your wife’s faults, it’s a lot harder to accept the imperfections of your wife, and not use them against her, but instead admit that you both have things to work on, and grow and learn how to overcome them together.
This world will always tell us we “don’t have enough” and we “deserve better”. Maybe it’s time to realize that some of our wives “faults”, may be just the thing God has been using to force us to grow ourselves.