My wife and I were listening to “The Stupendous Marriage Show” the other day, and Stu and Lisa were talking about how sometimes a guy will talk himself out of asking his wife for sex, based off of what he sees her doing at the time, that in his mind, make his chances of hearing a “yes”, much lower. In other words, we’re too scared to ask.
Here’s the thing though guys! Us NOT asking, and then being upset that she didn’t “read our minds” and “just know” that we need sex that night, is very frustrating to our wives! If we would just “man up” and ask her, she could at least start turning her mind in that direction, and be much more willing later to respond positively.
What I’m trying to get across here, is that we may be missing out on a lot of “sack time” with our wives, simply due to us being to afraid to ask. Yes, nothing strikes fear into the heart of a man like asking his wife for sex, I get it. But what if we got over the whole “I take it personally, and hate rejection” part, and just be open and honest about it and say “hey hon, would you be up for sex tonight? I’ve really been thinking about you lately”. I’ve talked to a lot of wives who have told me they would love it if their husbands would just come out and ASK when he needs it, instead of “not wanting to bother her”, and ending up frustrated, or worse, turning to porn or something else for release. And I know you’re thinking “yeah, this all sounds great, but you don’t know my wife. She would move into the garage if I asked her every time I needed sex“. Really? How would you know? Have you tried it?
What we fail to understand as men a lot of times, is that our wives REALLY WANT to be there for us sexually most of the time. Sure, there are times when they can’t respond quite like we were hoping, but they still DESIRE to be that help mate that God created them to be, but too many times we don’t LET them. We don’t even give them the chance. We say to ourselves “oh, I don’t want to bug her, she’s going to think I’m some kind of sex freak or something”, instead of giving her the chance to even think it over! And let’s be real here guys, most of the root issue here is we’re afraid to not just ask, but to ADMIT we NEED her. We apply the “I’m a man, and I don’t need anybody” theory to our sex lives, and I’m telling you, it’s hurting our marriages! Heaven forbid we as men admit we “depend on” someone! Instead we ask, get rejected a couple of times, and then withdraw and play the “whatever, It doesn’t really matter anyway” card, instead of working through it together, explaining to our wives how much we NEED (yes, need is not a bad word) to connect to them this way, and allowing them to fulfill the role that God has given them – the role that no other woman in the world can fill – if we would just give them the chance.
So next time you’re arguing with yourself about if you should or shouldn’t ask your wife for sex tonight, slap yourself around a little bit, pull up your “man pants”, realize your wife is on your side (not laughing evilly like we have it in our heads), and honestly ask her! You might just be blown away by how many times you’ve missed out, simply for lack of asking. Don’t let your pride and fear of rejection, get in the way of the sex life God designed you to have with your wife.