Putting our wives FIRST; Do we REALLY?

I was reading an excellent post over on the Warrior Wives blog, called “Do His Stuff First”, and it really got me thinking.

It got me thinking about how much we as husbands REALLY SHOW that we care about our wives needs/requests, and how much we show that to them on a consistent basis.

Now I know, you’re sitting there reading this going “now wait a minute here man, I care about what my wife needs/wants! What are you talking about?!” But hear me out.

How many times have you been busy with something (like watching TV, playing with the kids, working in the garage, etc) and your wife casually says something to you like “Hey hon, I need you to fix the handle on the kids dresser when you get a chance. The kids were messing around with it today, and it broke off” or “When are you going to be able to help me clean out that spare closet? I can’t do it by myself”. Most times we reply with a “sure hon, I’ll get it”, and then go back to what we’re doing – only to forget she even asked, until two weeks later when she comes back to you (a little annoyed) and asks you when you might be able to get to doing what she asked you to do a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, guilty as charged.

But what if we decided to actually put HER needs BEFORE our own? In other words, what if we show her that we VALUE her, by putting HER requests, in front of our own “to do” list. I know there’s a lawn to mow, and a car to wash, and the bills to do, and the house to paint, but do we realize that when we ignore, or put off our wives requests, we are in a way saying, “You’re important to me, but not enough to put you before my stuff”? Sure, we’re not meaning it that way, but how do you take it when you ask her to do something for you, and she forgets, or puts ends up putting it off for a couple of weeks. You start to feel a bit “unimportant” and like you’re a ways down on the priority list. Well, she feels the SAME WAY. 

Oh, and this post is kicking my butt all over the place, because I’m famous for saying “sure hon, I’ll get it”, and then having my poor wife come back two weeks later when I’ve forgotten she even asked, and looking like a complete stooge. This is a real easy one to preach about, but a whole other thing to actually walk out. 

So, next time your wife asks you to take care of something for her, don’t blow it off, or roll your eyes like “yeah hon, sure. I really have time for that”. Instead blow her away by jumping right on it, or if you can’t possibly do it right away, make SURE it gets done as soon as humanly possible. Sometimes saying you care about her, needs some action behind it.

  1. This is awesome…putting each other first works out all the way around. (Thanks for the link!)

    • livinginblurredlines
    • November 1st, 2012

    I often write my to-do list on the dry erase board on the fridge and it is a tremendous blessing when hubby looks at it, picks a few things and gets them done for me! I noticed and started putting cheeky little things on the list like, “make love again” or a random funny Monty Python quote that makes him laugh. One weekend, he looked at the list and it was empty. He asked why and I said that he needed a break. He was working extra hard, so I didn’t list anything because I knew he’d tackle it for me. He was appreciative and spent the weekend resting. I also didn’t want MY to-do list to turn into HIS honey-do list, although some weekends it does evolve into a general household to-do list.

    • Andrew
    • November 3rd, 2012

    I try to do that myself. I guess I learned that from my Dad who was generally so busy that he would often forget he promised my mom he was going to do something. After getting an earful from my mom one to many times, he began responding to her requests the moment she made them so he would not have an opportunity to forget, even to the point of getting up to go do it in the middle of dinner. Of course she never intended him to get up in the middle of dinner to take out the trash or tighten up the hinge on a door, so she learned to time her asking better 🙂

  2. Great post! I am guilty as charged. I love the last line that says we need to put action behind our words. My wife’s memory has always been way better then mine, and taking care of her to do list ASAP is in my best interest. Marriages would be a lot stronger if more husbands took this approach!

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