I’ve always had a sweet tooth. I think my mom would say I had a whole mouth full of them, when I was growing up. Nerds, Skittles, Gummy Worms, Now and Later – you name it, I would eat it. We used to go to a small little general store where I grew up as a kid, and they had a little barrel of gummy worms at the register (this was before people cared too much about germs), and you could take the little set of tongs, and pick out as many gummy worms you wanted for 5 cents each. It was the highlight of the whole shopping trip for me.
I guess it’s no surprise I have the same tendency for sweets as an adult. It’s hard to find a gummy bear I don’t like. And I don’t know about you, but there are times when NOTHING sounds good but a something sweet. Ever felt that way? It’s like you get a “sweet craving”, and nothing else quite satisfies at the time.
Ok, so what the heck am I talking about, and what does it have to do with you? Don’t go back to Pinterest yet, hear me out!
Your husband thinks about sex several times a day. I know it’s hard to imagine, but for most guys it’s up to 20 times a day. Not long drawn out thoughts, but it crosses his mind. Call it a “sweet craving”.
Now if he’s a good, upstanding, Christian husband, who is trying his best to keep his mind pure from sexual influences besides his wife, most of these thoughts center around you. If not, that’s a whole other post. Either way, what I’m trying to get across, is that YOU can help decide what his mind “eats” to satisfy those little “sweet cravings” during his day.
For example, let’s say he heads to work, but before he walks out the door, you give him a kiss, and say something like “you know those red lace panties you like? That’s what you’ll be taking off me later tonight.” Or “Want to try a new location later?”, you have just given him “mind candy” that will last him the whole day. Now every time his mind thinks “sex” during the day, he’s thinking about those panties, or where you’re going to do it later. Remember, he’s going to think about something sexual, several times a day – why not give him something worth while to think on?
Man Mind Tip: Guys LOVE it when they feel like their wives are OK with their husbands thinking of them sexually. Even better when our wives GIVE US something to think about sexually! It’s like winning the car on The Price is Right.
It’s hard for wives to understand, but most of the time, church, society, etc has made men feel “dirty” or like there “must be something wrong with them” because they “think about sex all the time”, or have been told countless times “is that all you think about!?”. But here’s the deal (and I can hear the collective gasp) – A man’s high sex drive (as long as it is fueled by nothing but his wife, not porn, etc.) IS NOT “un-natural”, or “dirty”, or “need to be toned down” in any way! God DESIGNED it this way! As his wife, DO ALL YOU CAN TO ENCOURAGE your husband in this area. Assure him that you WANT him to be thinking about you, and you LOVE it that he finds you beautiful/sexy. I’m not saying you must have sex anytime he wants it, but he needs to know that you’re his “sure thing” (GREAT post from J at HH&H), and you love the idea of him finding sexual satisfaction in YOU ALONE.
That’s why giving him something to think about all day, means so much to him. He LOVES it that you care enough about HIM (not the kids, dog, PTA, dishes) to think up those little “treats” during the day. “But what if I don’t think “that way” during the day? I have 3 little kids at home, and am lucky if I can find 10 minutes to use the bathroom, let alone send my husband sexy messages.” I understand you have 15 irons in the fire most of the time, but I can’t tell your enough how much something that takes 30 seconds, can mean to your husband.
“A few M&M’s, or a FULL candy bar?” – Ok, so you’ve head the saying “a picture is worth a thousand words”? Well, I swear it must have been written by a man, because let me tell you, it’s true. Now I’ve heard a lot of marriage bloggers with several different opinions on sending each other sexually “suggestive” photos via text/email, and you do what you think is best here – but I say what good is technology, if you can’t have a little fun with it? (Ok, now I am starting to sound like a classic man again). Let me explain. If you have an Android phone (I think you can get this for the iPhone too), go to the Play Store, and download an app called “Audio Manager (hide)”. This handy little app takes cover as a volume app to anyone that may see it on your phone, but if you hold your finger on a hidden spot on the screen, and put in a pin number, it’s really an encrypted “digital vault” to hide those photos/videos you wouldn’t want your mother in law to stumble upon when she was browsing through the grand kids birthday party photos. My wife and I have used it for a couple of years now, and it works great! All you have to do when you get a photo you want to hide, is simply click on the “share” button on your phone, and “share” it with the Audio Manager application – POOF! It’s not in your photos anymore!
Then the only other things you would need to be careful about, are things like double and triple checking that you’re sending the photo to the right PERSON (Your husband, not a random friend), and then knowing your husband isn’t going to open it in his work email, not knowing what it was, in front of the entire board of directors. Awkward. Basically, my advice is: BE SMART about it, know where you’re sending it, and then – HAVE FUN with it! Oh, and another word of caution: IF you’ve never sent a picture like this to him before, he may think you’ve totally lost it, or have finally opened up the cooking Sherry after a long day with the kids. But don’t worry, after the initial “Wow! Really?!” Response, he’ll have this big goofy grin on his face the rest of the day.
I’m going to end this post with this – we (husbands) realize you’re not wandering around all day every day in some sort of sexual high. Life happens. Kids happen. Schedules happen. We get it. The stuff I’ve mentioned above doesn’t have to be an everyday thing. What I’m asking is that it be a more than once a week, or month, thing. I know it’s not how you think. I know it’s hard to understand that sex goes through his head so often, I know you’re thinking “I’m just not “ready to go” all the time like he is”. It’s ok! You’re not “strange” for not being sexual as much as he is. But what I’m asking – even pleading with you – is to realize that your husband IS dealing with these thoughts day in, and day out. He IS trying to keep his mind on his wife, and not other images/videos/commercials that the world is trying to bombard him with all the time. And he NEEDS you to come along side him and say “baby, I understand it’s a struggle to keep your mind pure, and I want you to know that even though I might not always “feel” like having sex, I am, and will always be, your “sure thing” if you need me. I don’t want you feeling like you need to “supplement” your drive with something else, because you feel like you can’t come to me for it.” At this point, if you’re wondering why your husband isn’t looking at you anymore, it’s probably because he’s trying to hide the tears in his eyes. You have no idea the weight you have just taken off his shoulders, and the stress you have just relieved. If you can somehow get to this point in your relationship with your husband, you will be a complete hero in his eyes.
The moral to this story? Don’t forget the power you have to help your husband’s “sweet tooth” center around you. And to him, you’re WAY better than candy anyway. 😉