Wives: Be your Husband’s “Mind Candy”

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I’ve always had a sweet tooth. I think my mom would say I had a whole mouth full of them, when I was growing up. Nerds, Skittles, Gummy Worms, Now and Lateryou name it, I would eat it. We used to go to a small little general store where I grew up as a kid, and they had a little barrel of gummy worms at the register (this was before people cared too much about germs), and you could take the little set of tongs, and pick out as many gummy worms you wanted for 5 cents each. It was the highlight of the whole shopping trip for me.

I guess it’s no surprise I have the same tendency for sweets as an adult. It’s hard to find a gummy bear I don’t like. And I don’t know about you, but there are times when NOTHING sounds good but a something sweet. Ever felt that way? It’s like you get a “sweet craving”, and nothing else quite satisfies at the time.

Ok, so what the heck am I talking about, and what does it have to do with you?  Don’t go back to Pinterest yet, hear me out!

Your husband thinks about sex several times a day. I know it’s hard to imagine, but for most guys it’s up to 20 times a day. Not long drawn out thoughts, but it crosses his mind. Call it a “sweet craving”.

Now if he’s a good, upstanding, Christian husband, who is trying his best to keep his mind  pure from sexual influences besides his wife, most of these thoughts center around you. If not, that’s a whole other post. Either way, what I’m trying to get across, is that YOU can help decide what his mind “eats” to satisfy those little “sweet cravings” during his day.

For example, let’s say he heads to work, but before he walks out the door, you give him a kiss, and say something like “you know those red lace panties you like? That’s what you’ll be taking off me later tonight.” Or “Want to try a new location later?”, you have just given him “mind candy” that will last him the whole day. Now every time his mind thinks “sex” during the day, he’s thinking about those panties, or where you’re going to do it later. Remember, he’s going to think about something sexual, several times a day – why not give him something worth while to think on?

Man Mind Tip: Guys LOVE it when they feel like their wives are OK with their husbands thinking of them sexually. Even better when our wives GIVE US something to think about sexually! It’s like winning the car on The Price is Right.

It’s hard for wives to understand, but most of the time, church, society, etc has made men feel “dirty” or like there “must be something wrong with them” because they “think about sex all the time”, or have been told countless times “is that all you think about!?”. But here’s the deal (and I can hear the collective gasp) – A man’s high sex drive (as long as it is fueled by nothing but his wife, not porn, etc.) IS NOT “un-natural”, or “dirty”, or “need to be toned down” in any way! God DESIGNED it this way! As his wife, DO ALL YOU CAN TO ENCOURAGE your husband in this area. Assure him that you WANT him to be thinking about you, and you LOVE it that he finds you beautiful/sexy. I’m not saying you must have sex anytime he wants it, but he needs to know that you’re his “sure thing” (GREAT post from J at HH&H), and you love the idea of him finding sexual satisfaction in YOU ALONE.

That’s why giving him something to think about all day, means so much to him. He LOVES it that you care enough about HIM (not the kids, dog, PTA, dishes) to think up those little “treats” during the day. “But what if I don’t think “that way” during the day? I have 3 little kids at home, and am lucky if I can find 10 minutes to use the bathroom, let alone send my husband sexy messages.” I understand you have 15 irons in the fire most of the time, but I can’t tell your enough how much something that takes 30 seconds, can mean to your husband.

“A few M&M’s, or a FULL candy bar?” – Ok, so you’ve head the saying “a picture is worth a thousand words”? Well, I swear it must have been written by a man, because let me tell you, it’s true. Now I’ve heard a lot of marriage bloggers with several different opinions on sending each other sexually “suggestive” photos via text/email, and you do what you think is best here – but I say what good is technology, if you can’t have a little fun with it? (Ok, now I am starting to sound like a classic man again). Let me explain. If you have an Android phone (I think you can get this for the iPhone too), go to the Play Store, and download an app called “Audio Manager (hide)”. This handy little app takes cover as a volume app to anyone that may see it on your phone, but if you hold your finger on a hidden spot on the screen, and put in a pin number, it’s really an encrypted “digital vault” to hide those photos/videos you wouldn’t want your mother in law to stumble upon when she was browsing through the grand kids birthday party photos. My wife and I have used it for a couple of years now, and it works great! All you have to do when you get a photo you want to hide, is simply click on the “share” button on your phone, and “share” it with the Audio Manager application – POOF! It’s not in your photos anymore!

Then the only other things you would need to be careful about, are things like double and triple checking that you’re sending the photo to the right PERSON (Your husband, not a random friend), and then knowing your husband isn’t going to open it in his work email, not knowing what it was, in front of the entire board of directors. Awkward. Basically, my advice is: BE SMART about it, know where you’re sending it, and then – HAVE FUN with it! Oh, and another word of caution: IF you’ve never sent a picture like this to him before, he may think you’ve totally lost it, or have finally opened up the cooking Sherry after a long day with the kids. But don’t worry, after the initial “Wow! Really?!” Response, he’ll have this big goofy grin on his face the rest of the day.

I’m going to end this post with this – we (husbands) realize you’re not wandering around all day every day in some sort of sexual high. Life happens. Kids happen. Schedules happen. We get it. The stuff I’ve mentioned above doesn’t have to be an everyday thing. What I’m asking is that it be a more than once a week, or month, thing. I know it’s not how you think. I know it’s hard to understand that sex goes through his head so often, I know you’re thinking “I’m just not “ready to go” all the time like he is”. It’s ok! You’re not “strange” for not being sexual as much as he is. But what I’m asking – even pleading with you – is to realize that your husband IS dealing with these thoughts day in, and day out. He IS trying to keep his mind on his wife, and not other images/videos/commercials that the world is trying to bombard him with all the time. And he NEEDS you to come along side him and say “baby, I understand it’s a struggle to keep your mind pure, and I want you to know that even though I might not always “feel” like having sex, I am, and will always be, your “sure thing” if you need me. I don’t want you feeling like you need to “supplement” your drive with something else, because you feel like you can’t come to me for it.” At this point, if you’re wondering why your husband isn’t looking at you anymore, it’s probably because he’s trying to hide the tears in his eyes. You have no idea the weight you have just taken off his shoulders, and the stress you have just relieved. If you can somehow get to this point in your relationship with your husband, you will be a complete hero in his eyes.

The moral to this story? Don’t forget the power you have to help your husband’s “sweet tooth” center around you. And to him, you’re WAY better than candy anyway. 😉

  1. A truly great post!! You wonderfully explain the way my hubby’s sexual nature works! However, I am not tech-savvy enough to try the app you mentioned. Words will have to be enough to create the mental yum yum for Mr. Muscle. 😉

    • Ciera
    • March 28th, 2013

    Found your blog through Pinterest and I am glad I did…it’s good to get a male’s perspective on certain things….can’t wait to try this (any ideas for long distance situations?? My husband is deployed)

    • Bluemoon
    • July 15th, 2013

    Great post. Terrific perspective. As a husband who fits your description, I don’t want my wife to feel like she is being taken for granted as my “sure thing” as you put it. Technology is a wonderful tool and it works both ways. Sending my wife romantic texts like, “I really enjoyed our trip to the beach yesterday.” go a long way to keep a husband on our wives’ minds, which is not a bad thing either.

    • Evangelist Meiya Reynolds
    • July 25th, 2013

    This was good to hear from a man`s perspective. The suggestions were ok, however I do not agree with sending nude pics regardless how safe you think an app may be. As a virtuous woman I prefer my husband tto enjoy my body when we are together, sending nude pics over the phone in my opinion isn’t tasteful. Even in my younger childish teenage days I wouldn’t and didn’t think to take a pic of my privates and send them, my parts are sacred like the intimacy between a husband and wife and I don’t recommend anyone doing this! Married and most certainly those who are dating. Also, as a wife you can give your husband every reason to have you on his mind as eye candy, but if a man is truly in love with his wife and knows he is blessed he should cast down any thoughts and imaginations of other women. I`m tired of men saying we need to “Keep” our men satisfied or do whatever it takes to keep our husband focus on us, when he should have the authority over his mind and his body if he is a True Christian. God desire was for man to desire and have passion for his wife only! Not for sex in general, please stop saying God made man this way. He made man to desire woman “his wife” If a man allows his mind to wander several times a day about sex with other women, then he needs to do self inventory and go back to the scriptures.

    • Gettingbackontract
    • October 15th, 2013

    Just wanted to say thank you for this reminder…

  2. Well my fiance and myself have been together 6 1/2 years and he works out of town 5 & 6 days a week and not all the time but quite often we send pics and videos of ourselves to each other and it keeps things spiced up and we are more in touch with now sexualy with each other than ever. This may not be for everyone but it works great for us and I recommend this to anyone who is open minded and looking for some way to spice things up.
    When we do this, there is so much anticipation, that when he comes in the door all we just wanna wrap ourselves up in each other! It is wonderful and nothing wrong with it. I think you just have to be ok sexualy with yourself and your partner and nothing can go wrong. 🙂

    • Wayne
    • April 3rd, 2016

    My wife has done this a FEW times; however, I know she will forget about it or maybe tell me later that she forgot. The entire time I just sit there about to blow my top off!

    • Gloria
    • June 6th, 2016

    Hey there!
    My husband is deployed and has been gone for only 3 months (we have about 7 more to go) and I am having a very different dilemma. My husband won’t sext or send me sexy messages. I have always been very sexual and our sex life is amazing but he says it’s a tease for him being out there and he’d almost want me to redirect my own needs. I cannot help but feel completely rejected and hurt though I really am trying to empathize. He is around other soldiers 24/7 and when he is not working he is busy. Could there be a normal reason he feels this way? I’ve always been the “hot wife” so it’s a very new and disconcerting feeling. I can’t help but think he’s not attracted to me.

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