Ok, this post is for the husbands AND the wives.
Do you remember the first day at your job? If it’s like most jobs, you came in, had somebody walk you through the building/business, show you where everything was, warn you about hazards you may encounter, and then pair you up with a “buddy” that would help be part of your training for a couple of weeks, or however long it took until you were ready to “fly solo”.
Now compare that to the “training” you receive on sex, before the wedding night. For most couples, you pick up what you can from books, or the internet, or a best friend – or if you’re lucky it’s included in your pre-marital counseling. But for most couples, you’re basically given a few pointers, and then thrown into a hotel room, and told “just go have fun! It will be GREAT!” Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. And sure, there’s nothing wrong with that, in a way, it’s fun and adventurous to have to “figure it out together” on your wedding night. But just like a baby get’s tired of just eating milk, and wants to move on to solid food, so our sex lives can suffer due to “just doing what we’ve always done”, because of our lack of effort. So, after the first year of “just having sex is so AMAZING!” Wears off, it’s time to pull up a desk, and actually learn something about how your spouse’s body works.
For the husbands, first we have to overcome some “I’m already amazing, and I don’t need to learn anything” attitude. Yes, you may know where her vagina is, and I’m sure you know how to insert part A into part B, but have you ever taken the time to get a book and really LEARN about her anatomy? How female arousal works? How there are several different “pleasure spots” that you can stimulate to cause her to utter things you can’t quite understand, but that are obviously good? If you want her to enjoy sex as much as you do, and are really interested in being a student of your wife, it’s time to jump in there, and quit pulling the “well, I’ve always just rubbed here, and she’s fine with it” mantra. Yeah, that look on her face really says “I’m fine with it”. Come on guys! You’re goal should be to make her feel SO GOOD during sex, that she literally can’t speak for a few minutes afterwords. No, this doesn’t’ have to happen EVERY time, there are days you need you make it to church on time, but you need to know how, for those times your wife needs that.
Ok wives, now it’s your turn. Ah yes, the penis. You’re either scared to death of it, or you like it, but don’t really know what to do with it, or you’d like to know more about it, but “good girls” don’t really read about this kind of thing, do they? First of all, your husband would love nothing more than you spending time learning about his favorite part of his body. In fact you would probably have to throw a bucket of ice water over him to wake him up again, if you said something like “hey, so I got this book so I could learn more about your penis”. You have no idea what it means to your husband that you care enough about HIM and your SEX LIFE, to learn how to drive him wild in bed. And yes, I know some of you are going “honestly, by the time I get through the day, I’m lucky to be able to get a dinner on the table, and the laundry done, and my husband’s penis is the last thing on my mind at that point.”. I get that. All that I’m asking, is you give it a shot. Be a student of your husband. Make him see that what’s important to HIM, is also important to YOU. It doesn’t mean you must have sex MORE, it just means you’ll be better at it – when you DO.
Now to both of you, remember, your husband/wife are totally unique in the way they like to be touched, stimulated, etc. While “how to” books are good ways to get basic understanding on anatomy, how the different “parts” work, and how “most people” like this or that done, it’s always best to take your newly found information, and apply it, but don’t be totally disappointed if it doesn’t work perfectly EXACTLY like the book said to do it. Remember, being a student of your spouse, means sexually also. Figuring out what THEY like, is part of the fun! So start with a good book on the subject, and then tailor it to your spouse.
I know it’s easy to get lazy in marriage. “What’s always worked, is ‘good enough’ for us” seems to be the norm. But why give your spouse easy? How about rocking their world every now and then? How about being willing to try new things together? Let’s show the world how God really designed sex to be in the marriage bed. Not boring, or predictable, or “un-exciting” like TV portrays it, but AMAZING, EXCITING, and incredibly REWARDING.