“What’s the big deal about Underwear?” (A post for the wives)

This is a re-post from 2012 – 

Ok, am I really devoting a whole post to the subject of underwear? Sure am! And here’s why –

I’ve heard a lot of wives say “I just don’t think like my husband does. I wish I could just get inside his head sometimes”. First, I’m not sure you really mean that, since you might find it pretty boring at times (he really only thinks about one thing at a time?!), but there’s also a very good reason you don’t’ think like he does: You’re not a man. Men have a tendency to think thoughts that make wives get that look on their face of “really? when I do that, it makes you feel this way?” Trust me, every husband knows the look. It’s the same look you would give us if we suddenly told you that we wanted to try and build a rocket in the back yard that would put the first man on Mars.

That being said, I wanted to let you amazing wives in on a little secret, and it has to do with your underwear. But first, a little disclaimer – I’m telling you in this post how MOST husbands/guys think. There is always an exception to this rule, but odds are, your husband thinks like this. If you can read the following with an open mind, and with an attitude of “I want to learn how my husband thinks“, you’ll be blown away by how it will affect your husband if you try it.Ok, here goes –

What a wife chooses to wear for underwear, is a big deal for her husband. I know, I can see your eyes rolling already, but stay with me here. What a wife has a hard time understanding at times, is how much  this “talks” to her husband about how much she loves, desires, and cares about not only their sex life, but him in general. For example, if you’re always wearing black or tan “granny panties” and matching very “functional” but not at all “flirty” bra, you’re “saying”  TO HIM that you don’t really care about your sex life much, and you have pretty much given up on being flirty or fun in that area, for the sake of “hey, it’s just underwear, and it works just fine”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it was much easier to do this kind of thing, and actually think about it, BEFORE those little humans invaded your home called “children”. We get it if you need to wear a nursing bra (and no, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cute nursing bra) for those times in life when you’re breastfeeding. No problem. But the tendency is that once you’ve traded in the “sexy” for the “practical”, it’s just easier to not go back. And it matters to your husband. He may not say it, or even mention it anymore, but I guarantee he notices.

What’s the big deal? It’s just underwear! It’s not like anybody sees it besides him anyway. I don’t want to spend the extra money on cute panties, when I could just go to Costco and buy a 12 pack for $10!”

To a wife, that makes perfect sense, but let me let you in on what your husband is “hearing” when you decide to spend a few extra bucks on the cute, flirty, and a little sexier set. He is hearing things like “My wife knows that I’m the only person that ever sees those parts of her, but still takes the extra effort to know what I like, and wear them for me”. It makes your husband feel like he is still the priority over the kids, over your yoga class, over all the other stuff in your day. It makes him feel secure in knowing that you VALUE your intimate time together. It makes him feel like you desire him. It makes him feel like you VALUE him, and get a kick out of giving him little “thrills” like this. It also drives him crazy (in a good way), guessing on what you might be wearing “under there” that only he gets to see later. I know it’s a hard one to understand, but basically by wearing cute, flirty underwear, you’re telling your husband you love, desire, and take delight in enticing him (even though you may not understand the big deal) in this way. Who knew that underwear could say so much?!

One other thing, because I know you’re thinking it – Cute, sexy underwear, doesn’t have to be uncomfortable! I’m not suggesting you always have to wear some kind of leather thong, or push up bra! What I’m asking you to do, is find out what kind of underwear your husband likes, and to do that, maybe even take him shopping for it with you! Let me tell you, if you have a hard time getting him to give you a clothing budget, you will more than likely have no issue finding the “funding” for this shopping trip, if you word it something like this – “Hey hon, I was wanting to go shopping for some cuter panties and bra sets. Maybe you could even show me some you like. Would that be ok?”  – and watch that man go for his wallet! 🙂 Another thing, guys get a little uncomfortable in “those kind” of stores, so when you go in, YOU have to make it look like it was YOUR idea to everyone watching. Then when you get to the picking them out part, he’s probably going to be a little shy to take the lead, and start picking stuff out, so a way that works good, is to pretend your “browsing” through the different panties/bras, and the whole time be quietly giving him the “yes or no?” look. He’ll be THRILLED that you are letting him have a say in what you choose. And don’t be afraid to compromise! Odds are, he’ll be a little more interested in the lace thong, than you will be, but maybe go for the more “normal” set with a lace back, or something like that. He’s still have a big goofy grin on his face, and you’ll end up with panties/bras you’ll actually be able to wear on a daily basis.

You have no idea how much your husband is in awe of your nude form. It’s hard for wives to understand this, because they sometimes have issues with how they think they look, or are insecure about that little bit of leftover baby weight. But let me tell you without a shadow of a doubt, your husband couldn’t care less. When he looks at you, he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Please understand this. You are his vision of beauty. Weight doesn’t matter. Stretch marks don’t  matter. All that matters for him is the attitude you set forth when we tries to look at you in that way. He doesn’t want/need you to change anything before you “look good enough”. He’s totally happy with how you look now. Your husband is totally in love with the woman he married, and that is all he’s thinking about when he looks at you. (ok, so maybe a few other thoughts I can’t type out on a blog, but mostly that). When you show him that you not only “put up” with him looking at you in this way, but LIKE, and even ENCOURAGE it, you will have thought you had just given him the world. I guess, Because in a small way, you just did.

    • AnonymousHusband
    • January 10th, 2014

    This was amazing. It’s like you took the words out of my mind and put them on a blog, WORD for WORD!

  1. “You are his vision of beauty” No doubt! You are so right about how husbands view their brides. Well said.

    There is one thing I would like to add. To me, the real value of sexy underwear is not how sexy a husband thinks his wife looks, but how sexy his wife feels. I do agree that is about attitude. Men are very visual. We love to see our wives wearing underwear that make her feel feminine, desired and enticing.

    • ABP
    • January 11th, 2014

    A wife’s viewpoint, for what it’s worth….I actually probably like “pretty” underwear more than my husband. He always says he doesn’t really care, he prefers me braless anyway. 🙂 The problem I have with buying sexy bras is the fact that you can’t find sexy bras once you get past a certain size, not without paying a small fortune for one, anyway…and since we’re a one-income family with a special needs kid, that’s a luxury we can’t afford. When you’re larger chested, the “sexy” pickings are SLIM SLIM SLIM. I know men do not realize this, as they often don’t know the first thing about bra sizing…sorry, guys! I know my husband is clueless on my size, even though I’ve told him hundreds of times(to be fair, it has fluctuated over the years, with pregnancies and breastfeeding). So, I just do as “sexy” as I can bra wise, and go sexy underwear instead, that’s easier to do.

      • M
      • January 22nd, 2015

      Lane Bryant, not the cheapest but worth every penny.

    • Anonymouswife
    • January 12th, 2014

    The problem with this is when the wife knows, through open communication, that the husband isn’t attracted to her. No amount of lace can cover that up.

    • Sydney
    • January 12th, 2014

    I do this for my man. I love doing this not only for him, but for myself. I love to feel feminine an sexy. But, a lot of the time, I feel like he really doesn’t care. He really doesn’t give me much for extra special attention when I wear cute, sexy, flirty panties and bras. Even when I tease him during the day with texting him pictures of what I’m wearing under my clothes. Most of the time, I don’t get much of a reaction from him. Not like I used to. I’ve started to feel like maybe I’m just not attractive enough for him. I’m starting to lose confidence in my femininity.

    I’ve had friends tell me that maybe there is another woman, maybe he’s watching porn… I don’t know. Maybe it’s common after a period of time for men to not get excited about seeing their woman be sexy for them?

    I think this is a great article, and I love how you shared from a man’s perspective, especially when it comes to him loving his woman’s body as much as she might find it to be flawed… I just wish my man was more like this with me.

      • livinginblurredlines
      • January 13th, 2014

      Sometimes, I wonder if we live in such a sex saturated culture that even if he isn’t a porn user, objectified women are everywhere and perhaps it does, for some men, dull his perception and response to his beautiful wife.

      Beauty isn’t exclusive to 18-25, in-shape, scantily clad young women. Beauty and sexual appeal certainly does transcend the ages. However, because our culture focuses so much on a certain beauty and sex appeal, I think it possibly can affect men.

      If a man finds himself unattracted to his wife, he needs to pray and get help. Satan has gotten in there somewhere.

      • Good point.

        • Sydney
        • January 13th, 2014

        I agree, that is a good point.

        I’ve gotten to a point where I’m kind of at a loss. I just don’t know what to do anymore. And talking about it with him doesn’t seem to get us anywhere, it just seems like he becomes more withdrawn from me.

        I have prayed for him, lots. But I go through times where I’m just so frustrated, I get absorbed in my own hurt, that I don’t think to pray for him. I need to work on that. That’s not be being very loving towards him.

    • Wendy
    • January 13th, 2014

    Great article! I actually tried it a few years back thinking this would get my husband interested. It didn’t work he’s lost his drive, sigh! I am rather upset with his doctor too as his doctor says it happens with old age don’t worry, ugh!! What about me?? So here I sit wearing sexy underwear and bras waiting for my husband to get his drive back…I love him and have faith maybe some day that spark will come back 🙂

    • Stetson2009
    • February 4th, 2014

    So, sadly, I used one of your techniques on my husband. He lives quite a ways away and when I asked him what under garments I should pack for this weekend, his response was wear something comfy. Then when I tell him I’m trying he told me he didn’t know what I wanted him to say. I’m kind of lost here. This is totally new territory with me. I’ve had A LOT of guy friends and this has never been an issue with their significant other. I feel like he doesn’t want me and it’s harsh. I talk to him about it and all I get is silence. It’s not easy. Any idea on how to make him want me or be playful?

      • YogaKMiller
      • February 23rd, 2014

      I know EXACTLY what you mean!

    • YogaKMiller
    • February 22nd, 2014

    I love this post! I love dressing up for my husband in flirty underwear, however, he could care less! We have been married for one year, no children. We both work full time, and I’m a yoga teacher and marathon runner (obviously maintaining my weight and shape). I’m at a loss-he doesn’t notice, and has a lower sex drive than I do. When we talked about it, he stated that he grew up learning that women aren’t as thrilled about sex as men are, and has therefore suppressed his drive since college (we are 28, dating since 25). All you husbands out there-please just take the vital time to communicate with your wife. Not ALL wonen have “headaches”-some of us are actually very excited and want sex and intimacy with our husbands. And it’s embarrassing for women when you don’t notice our obvious attempts at initiation!

    • Thanks for the comment Yoga!

      • Ken
      • May 23rd, 2014

      Miss YogaKMiller, first and foremost, women don’t wear “underwear” they wear “Panties”, little boys and girls, wear underwear. When you think or talk about what is yours……….Panties, Panties, Panties, please.
      Dear sweet, Miss YogaKMiller, the negative effect upon a woman’s self esteem, her ego, is well beyond embarrassing, if not healed, can erode her very psyche, which will leave a hole in her, that, only the atonement can heal, with the aid of an attentive husband, that, is emotionally available.
      I don’t know, what planet, your husband grew up on, nor do I have the slightest idea, as to the amount of chemicals, that, were, added to his morning bowls, of Wheaties, Cornflakes, Cap’n Crunch, Lucky Charms, or Cream O wheat cereal. But, there, is no amount of indoctrination, propaganda, or hypnotherapy, known to man, that, has the ability to suppress, the raging hormones or a fit to be tied libido, of any red blooded male human being, in their twenties.
      In fact, if you stand close enough, to any twenty something, red blooded male and listen, you, would swear, that, the unmistakeable sound, you, hear emanating from him, sounds exactly as the endearing familiar and universal, sound of Snap-Crackle and Pop, produced by a fresh bowl of Rice Krispies, but in fact, that, sound, is indeed, his hormones.
      My dear, sweet Miss YogaKMiller, to have a stunning, brilliant, woman, as yourself, that, is blatantly obviously, dedicated to caring for her body, mind, heart and soul, which all translates, to caring and nurturing for her marriage…………to have you feel so strongly, that, you, are willing to allow, all you are feeling, deep inside of you, to actually be verbalized. I must say, there is something a miss, on many levels.
      If you are telling me and the rest of the civilized world, that, a woman, of your stature, that, is pouring in all that you do, by way of energy, time, effort and forethought, to present yourself, constantly and you are not being greeted, on a persistent and consistent basis, with a continual, perpetual/unceasingly/ “ragging hard on”……………….something is a miss, of great magnitude.
      There is a reason, that, the human race, (human sexuality) the drive to have sex, has overcome, outlived, broke though, prevailed, endured, the devastating black death of the early 1300′s that killed off more than 25 million, which decimated the European population, or the pathetic/deplorable, personal or lack thereof, personal hygiene habits, or in several countries and cultures, the very “real” threat of death, to engage in premarital sex, of any kind…………….The examples, of why, humans are driven, to engage in sexual relations, both in marriage and out of marriage, if they were bricks, could build the great pyramids of Giza, All of which speaks to the power, that drives man, to engage, in that overwhelmingly, crazy in love, throw all reason out the window, cross all boundaries, of religion, culture, race, alliance, it matterth not.
      We as humans, are driven, for a reason. Soooooooooooo, again, for a woman of your stature, to be willing to express your disappointment/discouragement………………something is a miss big time.
      Women, Moms/Mothers, teach your sons, to be emotionally available to all of the women in their lives. Use the Savior, as the most sterling example………..Question to all, where did Jesus go, to recharge His battery……….to what home, did He seek, every opportunity He could, to escape the throngs and even the 12 with all of the pettiness and just being men of the world, struggling to understand their new role…….give up……….the home of Mary and Martha, where he went by Himself, to get away from it all, to have his bucket filled. Where he was doted on, waited on, adored, by the loyal women that followed him. I promise you, Jesus, was extremely emotionally available to all the women in his life. Which includes, every one of Father’s daughters, all of you, have your name written upon his palm and on His heart………….teach your sons, to be emotionally available to all the women in their lives.
      Teach them to understand, that, women, are repulsed by anger, that women detest anger, that, laughter is truly the “balm of Gilead”.
      That the greatest form of foreplay, that a man, can preform, is running the vacuum, helping to prepare the meals and clean up after, to help with the laundry, to truly be a companion.
      To never leave your profession, with out calling home, and saying, I am 10-15 minutes from walking out the door, do you need anything, or want anything, do you need me to pick anything up, do you need me to hold the fort down, so you can go and recharge your battery, a walk, a run, just breath a lung full of air, knowing all is well at home, because of her man, which, allows, her, to be one……..for just a short while, mom, can be just one and breath freely.
      To all of you, still with me, I am a single, full time, stay at home dad, of an incredible, special needs little girl, Savannah, diagnosed with 6 developmental syndromes, that I have with honor, have been “raising” by myself, since the day, my angel Savannah, turned 9 months old…..My angel Savannah, recently turned 7 years old, chronologically.
      Ladies, many moon, before, the birth of my angel Savannah, I built from scratch, two full service businesses, a full service day spa and a full service laundromat, employing 45 all women, servicing 5 communities.
      It was during this time span of 9 years, that, I discovered, that, I possessed a hidden talent and gift…………I learned within me, was the gift of knowing and learning how to provide for women the most spectacular makeover, they had ever experienced.
      When I picked up those brushes, sponges and colors, magic happened.
      I had 1000′s of women and young women sit at my counter and what I learned, is this……………..every woman is beautiful………..there are women that are not valued, not appreciated, not nurtured and certainly not adored. In fact so many women have never heard that word, much less, lived in an atmosphere and environment where she is adored.
      In those 9 years, what, lesson was made abundantly clear to me……….a woman’s ability to be sexy, to seen as sexy, to feel sexy, exists in her brilliant mind. I don’t care, what size or shape, hair or no hair, (I helped several woman fighting cancer) it is all about a woman’s mind and her heart.
      Stand tall women of this world and thank God for you all.
      sincerely
      a man, that dearly loves women and loves to love women.
      Ken

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