Wives: 11 Thoughts Out of Your Husband’s Head –

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Ok, I know a lot of wives read my blog, even though it’s geared toward the husbands. I often wondered why, until I had several female readers comment and send me emails saying “I love your blog, because it helps me understand what’s going on in my husband’s brain.” (As if we’re really that complicated, right guys?!) And it’s funny how different the male and female thinking patterns are.

Just the other day, I was telling me wife something, and in the middle of my sentence, she stopped me and said “Wait, you REALLY think that way? Like that’s how a guy thinks about it?!” It amazed her! So I got to thinking, what if there are a LOT of things that wives have no clue about how their husband’s think? I guess then the other question would be “Do they WANT to know what their husbands are thinking?”, but I guess if you’re reading this post, you’re at least curious. 😉

So, with that in mind, here are 11 things that your husband would LOVE from you, but would probably never ask for, or if he did, he would end up doing it in a way that you would probably take offence to. Now here’s the deal though,  don’t read this post and get all bent out of shape. Read it in the way it was meant to be read. Like if you were able to pry open your husband’s head, and read a few of his thoughts. These are not things you HAVE to do, or you’re not a good wife of you DON’T do, they’re just things he would LIKE you to do once and a while. What you do with that knowledge, is up to you. 

1. He needs you to think he’s amazing at things – Your husband LOVES to hear you say things like “Hey hon, the lawn looks amazing!”, or “I can’t believe you came up with that great business idea! I would have never thought of that one!”. He basically needs to know that you aren’t only concerned about the things he may need work on. He wants to hear you believe in him, and even though he might not think he’s up to the level that HE thinks he needs to be, he wants to know that you’re in his corner. You’re pulling for him. You’re shouting down all the naysayers and going “You watch what my husband can do! He can do whatever his sets his mind to!” And though he might pull the “oh hon, stop” thing, inside, he can’t stop smiling. You just made his day.

2. He wants to know you enjoy(ed) sex – Ever notice that your husband may bring up a sexual interlude that you had last night, or the day before, and say things like “Man, that was great the other night!”, or “Did you like when we did (insert sexual activity) a couple of days ago?” Yeah, that’s because he’s hoping to hear you say something like “Amazing? Amazing doesn’t even begin to describe it! When you were doing (insert activity here) to me, I thought I was going to go to heaven right there!” – or something like that. 😉 Every man has this deep desire to know that his wife thinks he’s amazing in bed. Don’t ask me why. I just know it’s true. Everything from enhancement pills, to ads on TV is telling him that he “needs to be better/longer/bigger/etc in bed, and in the back of his mind he’s asking “I wonder if she thinks I’m boring, not big enough, or not good at pleasing her?” And if he’s NOT the world’s best lover? Just focus on the things he IS good at in bed, and tell him about those. That will do way more to encourage him to grow in the other areas he’s not so good at, than telling him he is bad at them. Make sure he knows you LOVE being with him sexually, and when he rocks your world, tell him all about it –  in vivid detail!

3. He wants to hear “Thanks” sometimes – This one’s pretty simple. Your husband works hard every day to bring home enough money to either support, or help support the family. He doesn’t need it much, but every 6 months or so, look him in the eye, and tell him “Hey babe, you’ll never know how much it means to me that you work hard for our family every day. Thanks for getting up when you don’t feel like it, for dealing with crabby customers, and going to work for me and our family.” Little comments like that go a long way for your husband.

4. He wants you to sexually surprise him sometimes – Most likely, your husband is pretty satisfied with your sex life. The “normal” thing you do, works great 8 out of 10 times, and for the most part, he wouldn’t change a thing. But every once in a while, surprise him with something different. Maybe it’s YOU coming on to HIM. Maybe it’s a different location. Maybe it’s you texting him at work and telling him you can’t wait to (fill in the blank) to him tonight. Maybe it’s giving him the normal “I’m home from work hug”, but letting your hand slide down a little further then you normally do, to let him know what’s on the schedule later. The little things like that let your husband know that you still like having sexual fun with him, like you used to BEFORE the kids invaded the house. 😉 Even if you didn’t come up with the idea, and go along with an idea that is “out of the ordinary” for you two, that’s fine. Just don’t roll your eyes, or give “the sigh” when he says “Hey babe, wanna do it (_______) tonight!”

5. He’d love you to give him a NAKED massage – Yeah, you read that right. A naked one. Here how it works. He gets home from work after having a bad day. You say “Sorry you day was lousy honey. Tonight after the kids go to bed, I’ll give you a massage.” Just leave it at that. Then, when the time comes, tell him to go lay face down on the bed, or wherever you’re giving the massage, because you have to “get ready”. See how long it takes him to notice you’re just wearing panties (if that). TIP: Tell him you can’t quite get his back well enough standing, so you’re going to have to straddle him “for better reach”. Sure, it might turn into a shorter massage session then you might have with a “clothed massage”, but let’s just say your husband will have a hard time remembering why his day was so bad. 😉

6. He loves it when you smell good/look nice when he comes home from work – He will never mention this, but he loves it when he comes home from work, and you smell good, and look like you didn’t just roll our of bed. From the day that he started dating you, he’s always liked how you always smell good, and you know we think you’re the most beautiful girl he knows. Now don’t get me wrong, he knows you’ve been with the kids all day long, and feel like you’ve been run over by a herd of elephants, so he’s not talking 4 inch heels and a dress. Just have jeans and a t-shirt on, run a brush through your hair, and blast a quick spray of that perfume that he really likes. Just this little effort, goes a long way in telling your husband you care about him, and know that he loves looking at you, and being close to you.

7. He loves it when you build him up around friends – Say you’re hanging out in a group, or with another couple. Your husband LOVES it when you compliment him about something in public. Makes him feel about 10 feet tall. For example, say you’re talking in the group with another wife, about what your husbands do for work. Instead of saying “Bryan (your husband) works in construction.” Say something like “Bryan works in construction, you should see some of the work he does. He’s really good at it.” It doesn’t require 10 seconds more to say, but let me tell you, your husband will be beaming. He wants/needs your affirmation that he’s good at what he does, even if it’s working at the gas station. This is HUGE for him.

8. He loves it when you compliment his um, well….his…..oh, you know what I mean. – Another one of the things he’ll never tell you to do, but next time you are in the middle of foreplay, and you look down to see that he’s quite excited to be there, say something like “Wow! You look huge tonight!” Anything to that effect. Just watch what it does to his confidence.

9. He needs you to assure him that he’s being a good dad. This is one thing a lot of guys (including myself) feel like they never quite measure up to. They really feel the weight of being a good role model, etc, but always feel like we fail when it counts, or shouldn’t have yelled at the kids that time, or maybe I should have acted differently that time, etc. When you notice him doing something good with the kids, say “Hon, you’re a really good dad. Just want you to know that.” Also, if he doesn’t put on the baby’s diaper on quite like you do, or handles a situation with the kids differently than you would have, avoid the urge to jump in and “do it right”. It makes him feel like he’s another one of the kids. He’s doing the best he can. Don’t micro manage  how he does it.

10. He loves it when you ask if you can help There are a lot of times we feel overwhelmed with life, work, chores, church commitments, etc, but don’t want to ask you for help, because we don’t want to add to your already seemingly massive load. What we don’t realize, is that most times you WANT to support and help us, but are waiting for us to ask you. Well, most times, we won’t. But don’t be afraid to ask! Just say something like “Hey hon, I’ve noticed you’re a bit overwhelmed lately. Can I do anything to help?” Most likely he’ll welcome the help, and appreciate that you noticed.

11. Sometimes he wishes you’d just give him a hand-job Yes, again, that’s what I said. Hey, I told you I’m being honest here. If you know it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, and you know he’s frustrated about it, but you still don’t feel like having sex (period, bad timing, etc), don’t ask, just roll over to his side of the bed, and offer him a hand-job. I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter if your mind is “into it”, or if your “emotionally ready”, or whatever other thing you might try to throw in there for a reason that you just don’t feel like giving him one. He needs to be with you sexually. You can’t “go all the way” right now. But you CAN help him make it until you feel like it. It may be hard for you to believe, but you will be the biggest hero on earth to your husband if you take the 3 minutes it takes, to help relieve the urge that is ever-present on his mind until you do. Oh, and he will be much easier to live with for the next few days. I know it’s hard for you girls to believe that the whole world can be solved with a hand-job, but sometimes for your husband, it can.

  1. As to the hand-job or even oral in place of PIV sex, there are men who will have to be made to understand that your not having an orgasm is alright. I am one of those husbands who has a difficult time accepting one-way sex. I think most men are that way, but some adjust amazingly well to a blow-and-go approach from their wives. As I write this, another aspect of one-way sex occurs to me. It may be that your wife during one-way masturbation or oral would like you to keep your hands to yourself. What I am saying is she may not want to be stimulated since she is doing this for only you. If you find she keeps “hinting” at you not handling her body by pulling back or moving your hands, respect her wishes. She may not want you tweaking her up when she is not ready for sex. I am beginning to believe that a woman’s sexual make-up is such that she truly can deliver oral or a hand-job and not over-invest herself (become aroused) to the point that she feels the need for release. She may find adequate fulfillment and satisfaction in exercising sexual power and control over a man. As a man, I don’t get it, but I’ll bet it’s very possible.

      • Bill
      • March 27th, 2014

      Dan you are correct that they just want to get there husband off and do not expect to get anything in return . There satisfaction is that they made him happy. Now a man should not neglect when there is time to reciprocate a later time but for the most part is not something she is doing for something later.

    • TC
    • March 30th, 2014

    I think the key to this with regards to a HJ or BJ is that she is freely offers as opposed to the husband feeling like he is imposing himself on her.That’s the deciding factor for me anyway. It is much easier to accept, if she initiates it out of a sensitivity to my needs, than only doing it because I ask for something.

  2. Another thing that most husbands would like is to see their wife in lingerie more often. I’ve heard girls talk about how impractical it is, but that should be the last thing you think about when ir comes to sex!

    With lingerie, it’s like you are wrapping yourself up as a special gift just for him. It sends a message that you are ready and enthusiastic.

    • livinginblurredlines
    • April 6th, 2014

    Great list and I do/am willing to do all of that and more for my hubby. He does get frequent naked massages, but sex doesn’t always happen afterward. And he does NOT want a hand job, or oral for that matter. He has told me so. He does not like either. Kind of leaves me with little to work with.

      • Enrique
      • November 6th, 2014

      livinginblurredlines :

      Great list and I do/am willing to do all of that and more for my hubby. He does get frequent naked massages, but sex doesn’t always happen afterward. And he does NOT want a hand job, or oral for that matter. He has told me so. He does not like either. Kind of leaves me with little to work with.

      If your husband is like me, it’s not that we DON’T want a hand job or oral, it’s probably more on HOW you ask or proceed in making the request or how you go about doing it.

      When my wife approaches me like “ugh, do I really have to do this (attitude)?” I’m more like, let me save you and me the agony, DON’T!

    • robin
    • April 12th, 2014

    Good

  3. I love this. Married 26 years and I totally agree, my hubby is a very happy man.

    • Snowbaby
    • May 13th, 2014

    I love this blog. I can learn so much from hearing a mans thoughts and point of view. I deliberately sent my husbands cards inviting him to have sex with me. I hung my thigh high stockings on the bed post to remind him I am ready whenever he is.. and lingerie.. I keep buying these sexy little numbers that I hang on the bed to tease him.. I even bought 5 ” heels to wear with the thigh high stockings, giving him an open invitation for sex. I have been married to my husband for about 18 years and sex is as good today as it ever was ~ I am so loving having really delicious sex as often as possible. One blog I read said to have sex every single day. I wish. I wish I could have sex every single day but my husband has to get up so early to leave for work that its just not going to happen very often. But .. guess I will send him a new card with a cut out of lingerie and tell him .. ready husband when ever you are.
    And thanks for the reminder to look and smell nice. Sometimes, after a day of shoveling snow.. for real, shoveling snow, I spent so much time with my snow shovel my husband was going to paint it pink because I spent so much time with it he was getting jealous, but after a day of shoveling snow, I forget to do my hair and makeup and smell nice. I needed that reminder.
    Good blog.. thanks for sharing and keeping it nice.
    And speaking of porn.. that is so icky. that is just mechanical. Porn is just plain icky. There is no love or connection with mechanical porn. Bleh.
    A woman wants to be loved, cuddled, romanced, not used or abused.
    And I learned that sex between a man and a woman does create a chemical bond in our brains. Oxytocin makes us bond during sex. My husband told me he heard on the radio how sex causes a chemical reaction in our brains. So I did some research and found out it is actually true, that chemicals in our brains cause us to love, to trust, to bond with the person we are having sex with so it is best to keep sex for marriage. God always does everything just right. HE had the right idea about sex.

  4. I believe mostly on what is mentioned here. Thanks for bringing this up, Dan.

  5. Gerald, great post! My hubby ran across your post and forward to me saying “I could have written this.” Most of these points he has verbalized to me, we both have open communication so we work on those that need work. But we do it together. Appreciate the honesty, keep up the great work!

    • Jessica
    • December 2nd, 2015

    I believe in keeping my man satisfied. I do not want him to stray AND I LOVE knowing I satisfied him all by myself. Sex is like 80% of the relationship, with the other 20% being feeding him and not nagging him. Everything else is manageable and doable. Probably because I am so easy going, but life is short. Keeping him happy, keeps me happy 😉

    • Wayne Graydon
    • April 15th, 2016

    How do I get my wife to read your articles without suggesting I want something or that she isn’t enough?

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