Want a Happier Marriage? Just Ask.



It’s interesting to me how much I have learned over the past 10 years with my wife Valerie. Things I have learned about her, about marriage, and about myself. I also find it interesting (and slightly amusing) how LONG it has taken me to figure out some things. And that brings me to the just of this post:

“If you want/need something, 90% of the time, you need to ask for it”.

Wow. revolutionary huh? Yeah, I thought so too. But think about it! How often to we expect our wives to read our minds about whatever we might be thinking? This can apply to everything from sex, to what we have for dinner.

Then, when our wives don’t read our minds like we think they should, we get miffed about it. Miffed about something they didn’t even know about us wanting. Because she’s not a mind reader.

So if you want sex tonight, and you would like it a certain way, ask for it! If you want a back-rub after a long day, ask for it! If you want tacos for dinner tomorrow, ask for it! If you don’t like the way you deal with conflict, bring it up! It’s your marriage, and if you want it to be as good as it can be, quit expecting your wife to “just know” what’s bugging you, or what you need or want at any given time.

Now a word of warning, she may say “no” to want, but at least you asked, and if she’s like 90% of other “normal” wives, she’s going to want to do her best to make you happy, if she just knew what THAT was.

So go for it! Want a happier marriage? Start by ASKING for it!

5 thoughts on “Want a Happier Marriage? Just Ask.

  1. Isn’t it amazing how the simplest things really are the key? Excellent reminder – thank you for sharing…I’m sure you’ve got the experience to back it up 😉

    I was also reminded by how many times I tell my wife, “I just need you to tell me what you’re thinking because I can’t read your mind.” Looks like that is a two-way street.

  2. Thanks for the great blog! ONE question: why the picture of the young, attractive womanswith the very low cut neckline? I try so hard to keep myself focused on my wife and be a good husband, that’s why I read your blog. Please, don’t post pictures of women. My wife never looked like that and she certainly doesn’t now after years of marriage. Thanks and keep up the good work

  3. That doesn’t work either. I really don’t know anymore if he’s really “didn’t get it” or if it’s intentional. I have said to him on many occasions… “if something someone is doing or not doing is irritating or frustrating you, but you don’t tell them, then it’s on you, because they don’t know. But if you tell them and they continue to do it, it’s on them. ” I came into this relationship from the very beginning and told him, I have a problem with something that I cannot control. I’ve been through “journeys” to learn about me. He needs to understand this problem and learn what I need from him. 7 years later and all I get from him is” I have an anger problem, and it must be because of xyz. He is always looking online to see what might be causing my problem and how someone or something else might “fix” me. He doesn’t get or want to take any responsibility to what he has caused from his own actions or lack there of. So is it really not”getting” it or an intentional act?

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