Posts Tagged ‘ Flirting ’

“What’s the big deal about Underwear?” (A post for the wives)

This is a re-post from 2012 – 

Ok, am I really devoting a whole post to the subject of underwear? Sure am! And here’s why –

I’ve heard a lot of wives say “I just don’t think like my husband does. I wish I could just get inside his head sometimes”. First, I’m not sure you really mean that, since you might find it pretty boring at times (he really only thinks about one thing at a time?!), but there’s also a very good reason you don’t’ think like he does: You’re not a man. Men have a tendency to think thoughts that make wives get that look on their face of “really? when I do that, it makes you feel this way?” Trust me, every husband knows the look. It’s the same look you would give us if we suddenly told you that we wanted to try and build a rocket in the back yard that would put the first man on Mars.

That being said, I wanted to let you amazing wives in on a little secret, and it has to do with your underwear. But first, a little disclaimer – I’m telling you in this post how MOST husbands/guys think. There is always an exception to this rule, but odds are, your husband thinks like this. If you can read the following with an open mind, and with an attitude of “I want to learn how my husband thinks“, you’ll be blown away by how it will affect your husband if you try it.Ok, here goes –

What a wife chooses to wear for underwear, is a big deal for her husband. I know, I can see your eyes rolling already, but stay with me here. What a wife has a hard time understanding at times, is how much  this “talks” to her husband about how much she loves, desires, and cares about not only their sex life, but him in general. For example, if you’re always wearing black or tan “granny panties” and matching very “functional” but not at all “flirty” bra, you’re “saying”  TO HIM that you don’t really care about your sex life much, and you have pretty much given up on being flirty or fun in that area, for the sake of “hey, it’s just underwear, and it works just fine”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it was much easier to do this kind of thing, and actually think about it, BEFORE those little humans invaded your home called “children”. We get it if you need to wear a nursing bra (and no, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cute nursing bra) for those times in life when you’re breastfeeding. No problem. But the tendency is that once you’ve traded in the “sexy” for the “practical”, it’s just easier to not go back. And it matters to your husband. He may not say it, or even mention it anymore, but I guarantee he notices.

What’s the big deal? It’s just underwear! It’s not like anybody sees it besides him anyway. I don’t want to spend the extra money on cute panties, when I could just go to Costco and buy a 12 pack for $10!”

To a wife, that makes perfect sense, but let me let you in on what your husband is “hearing” when you decide to spend a few extra bucks on the cute, flirty, and a little sexier set. He is hearing things like “My wife knows that I’m the only person that ever sees those parts of her, but still takes the extra effort to know what I like, and wear them for me”. It makes your husband feel like he is still the priority over the kids, over your yoga class, over all the other stuff in your day. It makes him feel secure in knowing that you VALUE your intimate time together. It makes him feel like you desire him. It makes him feel like you VALUE him, and get a kick out of giving him little “thrills” like this. It also drives him crazy (in a good way), guessing on what you might be wearing “under there” that only he gets to see later. I know it’s a hard one to understand, but basically by wearing cute, flirty underwear, you’re telling your husband you love, desire, and take delight in enticing him (even though you may not understand the big deal) in this way. Who knew that underwear could say so much?!

One other thing, because I know you’re thinking it – Cute, sexy underwear, doesn’t have to be uncomfortable! I’m not suggesting you always have to wear some kind of leather thong, or push up bra! What I’m asking you to do, is find out what kind of underwear your husband likes, and to do that, maybe even take him shopping for it with you! Let me tell you, if you have a hard time getting him to give you a clothing budget, you will more than likely have no issue finding the “funding” for this shopping trip, if you word it something like this – “Hey hon, I was wanting to go shopping for some cuter panties and bra sets. Maybe you could even show me some you like. Would that be ok?”  – and watch that man go for his wallet! 🙂 Another thing, guys get a little uncomfortable in “those kind” of stores, so when you go in, YOU have to make it look like it was YOUR idea to everyone watching. Then when you get to the picking them out part, he’s probably going to be a little shy to take the lead, and start picking stuff out, so a way that works good, is to pretend your “browsing” through the different panties/bras, and the whole time be quietly giving him the “yes or no?” look. He’ll be THRILLED that you are letting him have a say in what you choose. And don’t be afraid to compromise! Odds are, he’ll be a little more interested in the lace thong, than you will be, but maybe go for the more “normal” set with a lace back, or something like that. He’s still have a big goofy grin on his face, and you’ll end up with panties/bras you’ll actually be able to wear on a daily basis.

You have no idea how much your husband is in awe of your nude form. It’s hard for wives to understand this, because they sometimes have issues with how they think they look, or are insecure about that little bit of leftover baby weight. But let me tell you without a shadow of a doubt, your husband couldn’t care less. When he looks at you, he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Please understand this. You are his vision of beauty. Weight doesn’t matter. Stretch marks don’t  matter. All that matters for him is the attitude you set forth when we tries to look at you in that way. He doesn’t want/need you to change anything before you “look good enough”. He’s totally happy with how you look now. Your husband is totally in love with the woman he married, and that is all he’s thinking about when he looks at you. (ok, so maybe a few other thoughts I can’t type out on a blog, but mostly that). When you show him that you not only “put up” with him looking at you in this way, but LIKE, and even ENCOURAGE it, you will have thought you had just given him the world. I guess, Because in a small way, you just did.

Are We Still Pursuing Our Wives?

I hate divorce. I hate hearing that a couple I know has decided to give in and call it quits. I hate the pain it brings on both sides, not to mention how it affects the kids involved. And you know what it all comes down to in most cases? Lack of pursuit. At some point in the marriage, one or both sides decided that other things (life, work, golf, etc) were worth pursuing more than their mate. Now yes, there are other reasons for divorce (cheating, abuse, etc), but I wonder how many could have been prevented if there was a conscious effort by husband and wife, to continue to really pursue the other person, just like they did before they walked down that aisle, and maybe even for the first few years after the wedding. While this could apply to both husband and wife, I’m addressing the husbands in this post, so buckle up guys. 🙂

What do I mean by pursue? I mean this – Remember before you got married? Remember how it was when you were first dating? It didn’t matter if you were at work, or playing ball with the guys, or whatever, you had her on your mind. You were always thinking about the next time you would see her, or what you could do to be romantic, or what little gift you wanted to surprise her with. You were trying to win her heart. You were trying to make her think that you would stop at nothing to make her feel special, and want to spend the rest of her life with you. You were constantly pursuing the goal of winning her heart. 

Now fast forward to 5, 10, or even 20 years of marriage. Somehow, and maybe even without meaning to, “life” started to creep in. Since you had already “won” her heart now (come on, you spent all that money on the ring for crying out loud!), your male “once I’m done with one task, I move to the next one” mind started to kick in, and suddenly that amazing girl who used to occupy 95% of your waking thoughts (and some of your sleeping ones too), now was now buried somewhere after the golf game on Saturday, your goals at your job, and trying to raise 2 or 3 small kids while maintaining some sort of sanity. Somewhere along the way the pursuit slowed, or maybe even stopped.

My dad used to say “you lose what you don’t appreciate”. When I was a kid, I used to roll my eyes when he said that, because most times when it was said, I had just gotten scolded for not taking care of something, and it had gotten damaged or ruined. We have to realize guys (and the sooner the better), we can’t just say “I do”, and then put the gear shift into neutral, and hope to cost the rest of the way on the “we’re in love, so what could happen” feeling. As husbands, we have to continue to do those things we did when we won her heart! And “but I just don’t feel like it” is just lazy. Our wives don’t want to feel like they come in on our priority list right after getting the garbage to the curb every Wednesday night! They want to know we’re still crazy about them! They want to be the apple of our eye, just like they were in the early days.

“But I say I love you all the time!” Yeah, but do your actions line up with your words? We all love the old saying “talk is cheap”, but oh how true it is! If you’re saying “I love you baby! I really want to spend time with you!” on your way to the golf course, she’s probably not going to put much stock in what you’re saying. Look for ways to say “I love you, and you’re still everything to me”. I’m not going to list out a “top ten romantic ways to tell your wife you love her” either, because all wives are different! You’re going to have to think back (come on, you can do it) to your dating days and remember the little things. That place you used to take her to watch the stars (even thought you spent most of the time looking at her). The hangout you used to always go to and get the corner booth. The coffee you used to bring her at work, even though her work was 10 miles out of your way. You get the idea. 

As I’ve watched marriage after marriage of people I know break up, I wonder. I wonder at what point it started to break down. At what point this couple who was by their own admissions “madly in love with each other” just a few years earlier, now can’t stand each other. When did the nights of cuddling on the couch every night and sharing each other’s heart in conversation, get traded for him staying up to work, and her going to bed early? When did the priorities shift? I bet if you asked the couple, they couldn’t pinpoint a time or date it started happening. It just did. Over the years, pursuit was lost, and along with it, sadly, the marriage was too.

Does it take a little effort to continue to pursue your wife’s heart throughout the ups and downs of your marriage? Sure it does! But the when the alternative is being in a marriage where a slow acting poison called “inactivity” is killing it, it should be an easy choice to make. We can’t settle for normal guys! Our wives deserve BETTER than normal! Be the man that your wife fell in love with in the first place. Be a husband that pursues his wife!

“What’s the big deal about Underwear?” (A post for the wives)

This is a re-post from 2012 – 
Ok, am I really devoting a whole post to the subject of underwear? Sure am! And here’s why –

I’ve heard a lot of wives say “I just don’t think like my husband does. I wish I could just get inside his head sometimes”. First, I’m not sure you really mean that, since you might find it pretty boring at times (he really only thinks about one thing at a time?!), but there’s also a very good reason you don’t’ think like he does: You’re not a man. Men have a tendency to think thoughts that make wives get that look on their face of “really? when I do that, it makes you feel this way?” Trust me, every husband knows the look. It’s the same look you would give us if we suddenly told you that we wanted to try and build a rocket in the back yard that would put the first man on Mars.

That being said, I wanted to let you amazing wives in on a little secret, and it has to do with your underwear. But first, a little disclaimer – I’m telling you in this post how MOST husbands/guys think. There is always an exception to this rule, but odds are, your husband thinks like this. If you can read the following with an open mind, and with an attitude of “I want to learn how my husband thinks“, you’ll be blown away by how it will affect your husband if you try it.Ok, here goes –

What a wife chooses to wear for underwear, is a big deal for her husband. I know, I can see your eyes rolling already, but stay with me here. What a wife has a hard time understanding at times, is how much  this “talks” to her husband about how much she loves, desires, and cares about not only their sex life, but him in general. For example, if you’re always wearing black or tan “granny panties” and matching very “functional” but not at all “flirty” bra, you’re “saying”  TO HIM that you don’t really care about your sex life much, and you have pretty much given up on being flirty or fun in that area, for the sake of “hey, it’s just underwear, and it works just fine”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it was much easier to do this kind of thing, and actually think about it, BEFORE those little humans invaded your home called “children”. We get it if you need to wear a nursing bra (and no, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cute nursing bra) for those times in life when you’re breastfeeding. No problem. But the tendency is that once you’ve traded in the “sexy” for the “practical”, it’s just easier to not go back. And it matters to your husband. He may not say it, or even mention it anymore, but I guarantee he notices.

What’s the big deal? It’s just underwear! It’s not like anybody sees it besides him anyway. I don’t want to spend the extra money on cute panties, when I could just go to Costco and buy a 12 pack for $10!”

To a wife, that makes perfect sense, but let me let you in on what your husband is “hearing” when you decide to spend a few extra bucks on the cute, flirty, and a little sexier set. He is hearing things like “My wife knows that I’m the only person that ever sees those parts of her, but still takes the extra effort to know what I like, and wear them for me”. It makes your husband feel like he is still the priority over the kids, over your yoga class, over all the other stuff in your day. It makes him feel secure in knowing that you VALUE your intimate time together. It makes him feel like you desire him. It makes him feel like you VALUE him, and get a kick out of giving him little “thrills” like this. It also drives him crazy (in a good way), guessing on what you might be wearing “under there” that only he gets to see later. I know it’s a hard one to understand, but basically by wearing cute, flirty underwear, you’re telling your husband you love, desire, and take delight in enticing him (even though you may not understand the big deal) in this way. Who knew that underwear could say so much?!

One other thing, because I know you’re thinking it – Cute, sexy underwear, doesn’t have to be uncomfortable! I’m not suggesting you always have to wear some kind of leather thong, or push up bra! What I’m asking you to do, is find out what kind of underwear your husband likes, and to do that, maybe even take him shopping for it with you! Let me tell you, if you have a hard time getting him to give you a clothing budget, you will more than likely have no issue finding the “funding” for this shopping trip, if you word it something like this – “Hey hon, I was wanting to go shopping for some cuter panties and bra sets. Maybe you could even show me some you like. Would that be ok?”  – and watch that man go for his wallet! 🙂 Another thing, guys get a little uncomfortable in “those kind” of stores, so when you go in, YOU have to make it look like it was YOUR idea to everyone watching. Then when you get to the picking them out part, he’s probably going to be a little shy to take the lead, and start picking stuff out, so a way that works good, is to pretend your “browsing” through the different panties/bras, and the whole time be quietly giving him the “yes or no?” look. He’ll be THRILLED that you are letting him have a say in what you choose. And don’t be afraid to compromise! Odds are, he’ll be a little more interested in the lace thong, than you will be, but maybe go for the more “normal” set with a lace back, or something like that. He’s still have a big goofy grin on his face, and you’ll end up with panties/bras you’ll actually be able to wear on a daily basis.

You have no idea how much your husband is in awe of your nude form. It’s hard for wives to understand this, because they sometimes have issues with how they think they look, or are insecure about that little bit of leftover baby weight. But let me tell you without a shadow of a doubt, your husband couldn’t care less. When he looks at you, he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Please understand this. You are his vision of beauty. Weight doesn’t matter. Stretch marks don’t  matter. All that matters for him is the attitude you set forth when we tries to look at you in that way. He doesn’t want/need you to change anything before you “look good enough”. He’s totally happy with how you look now. Your husband is totally in love with the woman he married, and that is all he’s thinking about when he looks at you. (ok, so maybe a few other thoughts I can’t type out on a blog, but mostly that). When you show him that you not only “put up” with him looking at you in this way, but LIKE, and even ENCOURAGE it, you will have thought you had just given him the world. I guess, Because in a small way, you just did.