Posts Tagged ‘ helping ’

Putting our wives FIRST; Do we REALLY?

I was reading an excellent post over on the Warrior Wives blog, called “Do His Stuff First”, and it really got me thinking.

It got me thinking about how much we as husbands REALLY SHOW that we care about our wives needs/requests, and how much we show that to them on a consistent basis.

Now I know, you’re sitting there reading this going “now wait a minute here man, I care about what my wife needs/wants! What are you talking about?!” But hear me out.

How many times have you been busy with something (like watching TV, playing with the kids, working in the garage, etc) and your wife casually says something to you like “Hey hon, I need you to fix the handle on the kids dresser when you get a chance. The kids were messing around with it today, and it broke off” or “When are you going to be able to help me clean out that spare closet? I can’t do it by myself”. Most times we reply with a “sure hon, I’ll get it”, and then go back to what we’re doing – only to forget she even asked, until two weeks later when she comes back to you (a little annoyed) and asks you when you might be able to get to doing what she asked you to do a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, guilty as charged.

But what if we decided to actually put HER needs BEFORE our own? In other words, what if we show her that we VALUE her, by putting HER requests, in front of our own “to do” list. I know there’s a lawn to mow, and a car to wash, and the bills to do, and the house to paint, but do we realize that when we ignore, or put off our wives requests, we are in a way saying, “You’re important to me, but not enough to put you before my stuff”? Sure, we’re not meaning it that way, but how do you take it when you ask her to do something for you, and she forgets, or puts ends up putting it off for a couple of weeks. You start to feel a bit “unimportant” and like you’re a ways down on the priority list. Well, she feels the SAME WAY. 

Oh, and this post is kicking my butt all over the place, because I’m famous for saying “sure hon, I’ll get it”, and then having my poor wife come back two weeks later when I’ve forgotten she even asked, and looking like a complete stooge. This is a real easy one to preach about, but a whole other thing to actually walk out. 

So, next time your wife asks you to take care of something for her, don’t blow it off, or roll your eyes like “yeah hon, sure. I really have time for that”. Instead blow her away by jumping right on it, or if you can’t possibly do it right away, make SURE it gets done as soon as humanly possible. Sometimes saying you care about her, needs some action behind it.

The Church and Marriage; Is it doing enough? (Short Survey)

I need your help with a short survey. 

I am trying to discern how you feel your church is doing  to encourage, train, build, and strengthen marriages. I’ll share the results in an upcoming post. 

Survey is totally anonymous.

Thanks so much!

Take the Survey

Kick Your Wife Out of The House!

Not permanently, just for a little while. Here’s the scenario:

You walk in the door after a day at work, and it looks like a tornado by the name of “3 kids” has blown through the house. Your wife looks up from a pile of laundry with a “thank God you’re home” look on her face and gives you a half-smile.

You put your work stuff down, and soon find out that in between the kid that pooped on the floor, the 6 loads of laundry, and the baby that has spit up on 3 sets of clothes, it’s been a doozie of a day for your poor wife, and she is about at the end of her rope.

You have a couple of options at this point. You can either choose to ignore that your wife is about ready to lose it, and turn on SportsCenter, or you can say “hey hon, after dinner, I got the kids – why don’t you head to Starbucks for a while and catch up on that book you’ve been wanting to read”. She will most likely try to put up a weak protest saying something about how she’s ok, and needs to get stuff done here, but if you tell her you’ll finish the laundry, and that she needs to take the time while she can, she will probably be out the door before you finish speaking.

For those of us husbands who are blessed with wives want to stay home and do the amazing job of taking care of the kids, we need to make sure they are still getting some time to themselves. Sometimes we forget as husbands, that just because they “get to stay home all day”, it is nowhere close to “restful” most of the time for our dear wives. You think a rude customer at work is hard to deal with? Try a teething 1-year-old who wants to be held all day. At least with the rude customer, he will finally leave the store after a while, not so with the teething kiddo. He’s there ALL DAY.

“But I just got done working all day, I want to be able to come home and relax, not play babysitter”. That’s great, if you want to watch your wife slowly lose her drive to even try anymore. She needs that couple hours alone every once in a while to help her “refocus” and “regroup” a little. You at least get your lunch hour and breaks at work. I heard one mom say she’d be thrilled just to be able to use the bathroom, without a child knocking on the door needing something.

Contrary to popular belief, stay at home moms do not sit in front of the TV all day long and eat bon-bons. 🙂

So, if your wife stays at home with the kiddos, give her some “HER TIME” often. Even if you have to schedule it and make it a once or twice a week thing, do it! Not only will you have a much happier and composed wife, you’ll get to build your relationship with your kids in the process! The other day Ben (5yrs), my oldest, told his mom that “she needs to go somewhere, because we haven’t gotten much time with dad lately.” Plan a movie night, or take the kids to the baseball field. Make it a fun time that the kids look forward to! Sometimes we get a little too involved in our work and forget the kids need their DAD to PLAY with them too. They’re only kids for a limited amount of time, don’t make the mistake of thinking work needs to come before that game of catch.

Give you wife few hours away from the crazy. Who know kicking your wife out of the house could be such a positive thing! 😉

Her Period and You – A Few “Survival Tips”

 

Yes, I’m going where few men dare to go. Believe me, it took some time to talk myself into doing this post, but here I am. Now why would a guy do a blog post about a woman’s period? Well, because if you’re married (and I’m assuming you are if you’re reading my blog), let’s just say your wife’s period tends to “effect” you also (like causing you to hide in the garage for 3 or 4 days). So, what is it about that time of the month that strikes fear into the most hardened “manly men”? It could be the thought of your wife turning into an irrational, irritable ball of emotions, but I think it’s mostly because we don’t understand it. At all. So in the interest of being a “student of our wives”, let’s delve into this “terrifying subject” that few men are brave enough to think about – let alone address – and see if we can’t learn how to at least support her through it, and not lose our minds in the process. Ready? (Um, why are you still hiding behind that chair? You realize I can see you right?) Here goes…

Now obviously I don’t know ANYTHING first hand about periods, but my wife sure does, and after a few years of dreading that time each month, I decided to actually ask her some questions about how she feels during “that time”, and what I could do to help her get through them better, and with less frustration aimed at me. Here’s what I found out – They don’t like them either – You think you’re wife’s period is hard on you? Try being the one going through it! Without mentioning the obvious effects, there’s the bloating, cramping, back pain, and need we mention being the passenger on the runaway rollercoaster of emotions that they can’t find a way off of? Doesn’t sound like something I’d volunteer for.

Don’t run the other way – I know this is like saying to “run towards the house fire, not away”, but understand this – most times when they are “going off” about some little thing, and acting like it’s this HUGE issue, it all comes down to a self-esteem thing. Right now their hormones have them feeling like they aren’t doing well at anything, and everything they do is failing or not working right. So your wife yelling at you about putting one white sock in the dark load of laundry, is really her saying that she is upset at herself that she didn’t get the laundry done, and you had to help with it. I know, you might have you read that last sentence again, but according to my lovely wife, that is how they feel. A normal man’s response to this would be to either blow up back at her, or go “whatever” and try to stay away from her as much as possible. Here’s where we mess up though! Instead – what she needs is for you to go up to her and put your arms around her and say something like “it’s ok hon, I love you”. Remember, her acting out is her insecurity about the issue, so what she needs from you is to re-assure her, and tell her that it’s going to be ok. Now I can hear you saying “are you crazy?! You want me to go up to my wife who is currently yelling at me about the smallest issue, and give her a hug?” Yes I am! I KNOW it’s crazy hard to do, but this is marriage, remember? This isn’t a walk in the park. She knows she’s being irrational and making no sense at all, but right now it’s how she is crying out for you to reassure her. If you run the other way, it’s just going to make it worse.

Realize she’s not herself right now – This is a big one for us guys. As guys we tend to take every thing literally, regardless of what time of the month it is. So when your wife says something like “I never have any money to spend for myself, you always buy whatever you want” during her period, don’t go out and put a “For Sale” sign on the boat. Ask her about it in an hour, and she will probably have totally changed her mind, or brush it off like it was no big deal – leaving you totally confused because what she was just making a huge issue of, is now “no big deal”. Say hello to hormones. During her period, my wife says that there are times she feels “normal”, and other times she feels like she’s not herself at all. We have to keep reminding ourselves that this is the case, and if she makes a comment about a large issue that your “I’m going to fix it” personality wants to jump in and fix right away, wait until after she’s done with her period to bring it up again and see if it really needs addressed.

Do the simple stuff – Show her that you care about her not feeling well at the moment. Sure, it’s easier to just grit our teeth and close our eyes until it’s over, but is that being a servant? Remember the whole “sickness and health” part? Warm up a heating pad for her back, help with the housework, do the dishes, cook dinner. These are all simple little things, but they mean a lot to our wives.

There! We made it through! I told you it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought. Or maybe it was. Regardless, at least you’re a little better prepared to deal with it. Oh, and don’t be afraid to ask your wife what would be a help to HER when those days come around every month. Each woman is different, but the principle remains; just because it’s a hard topic, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be willing to help. We need to stop hiding out, and start helping out. It might not be easy, but you’ll be glad you did. 

What my Dad Taught Me About Hard Work

I was out mowing a lawn for some extra “diaper money” the other day. It was hot, and the lawn I was mowing was at a house that had been repossessed by the bank, so “lawn” didn’t truly reflect the condition grass I was cutting. “Hay field” would have been a better representation. It was so bad that I couldn’t even use a regular mower to get through it, I had to use a “DR Trimmer Mower” (basically a 6HP weed eater on wheels) to hack through the overgrown grass. Anyway, there I was, sweat dripping down my forehead, grumbling to myself about how hard it was, and how I wished I could just go home and have a glass of my wife’s homemade lemonade, when my mind started to wander back to when I was a kid, and the lessons that my dad taught my sister and I about hard work.

My sister and I were always expected to help with whatever project dad had going at the time. It could be building fences around our 5 acre plot of land, or weeding the very large garden he insisted on growing every year. Whatever the task was, dad always taught us that it didn’t matter if it was 95 degrees out, or if you were tired, or had some great excuse for why you needed to go inside – the job needed to be done, and done right, and with the right attitude. There were many times I thought he was mean to make us stay out and finish the job. I had no idea that what he was instilling into me would be of such great value as an adult. What I thought was dad just being a pain – I should have been thanking him for.

There have been many jobs as a teenager, and as a young adult, that I would not have gotten, or been able to keep, if it weren’t for what Dad taught me as a kid. I’ve worked for burger joints, all the way up to self-made millionaires, and each one has always gone out of their way to hire me, and then try to keep me on if I decided to leave for a better job. Is this because I’m a likable guy, or I have some kind of secret power? No, it’s because I know how to roll up my sleeves and get down to business – just like my dad taught me.

Being a father myself now, I have to remember to teach a good work ethic to my kids – to do the job “unto the Lord, not unto man”. Even if it’s not an enjoyable job, or everybody else has quit – having to determination to see the job through. This is harder than it sounds however, in the culture we live in. It’s tempting in our world of automated everything and “the government will do it for you” attitudes, to end up doing too much FOR my kids instead of letting them work at something and see it through without my direct help. I also need to lead by example in the work that I do with them. Just like I remember my dad seeing the job through no matter how hard, my kids will also remember how their dad did, or didn’t see a job through.

Thanks Dad, for showing me the value of a hard work. It a trait that’s becoming harder and harder to find.