Posts Tagged ‘ husband ’

Wives: 11 Thoughts Out of Your Husband’s Head –

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Ok, I know a lot of wives read my blog, even though it’s geared toward the husbands. I often wondered why, until I had several female readers comment and send me emails saying “I love your blog, because it helps me understand what’s going on in my husband’s brain.” (As if we’re really that complicated, right guys?!) And it’s funny how different the male and female thinking patterns are.

Just the other day, I was telling me wife something, and in the middle of my sentence, she stopped me and said “Wait, you REALLY think that way? Like that’s how a guy thinks about it?!” It amazed her! So I got to thinking, what if there are a LOT of things that wives have no clue about how their husband’s think? I guess then the other question would be “Do they WANT to know what their husbands are thinking?”, but I guess if you’re reading this post, you’re at least curious. ūüėČ

So, with that in mind, here are 11¬†things that your husband would LOVE from you, but would probably never ask for, or if he did, he would end up doing it in a way that you would probably take offence to. Now here’s the deal though,¬†¬†don’t read this post and get all bent out of shape. Read it in the way it was meant to be read. Like if you were able to pry open your husband’s head, and read a few of his thoughts.¬†These are not things you HAVE to do, or you’re not a good wife of you DON’T do, they’re just things he would LIKE you to do once and a while. What you do with that knowledge, is up to you.¬†

1. He needs you to think he’s amazing at things – Your husband LOVES to hear you say things like “Hey hon, the lawn looks amazing!”, or “I can’t believe you came up with that great business idea! I would have never thought of that one!”. He basically needs to know that you aren’t only concerned about the things he may need work on. He wants to hear you believe in him, and even though he might not think he’s up to the level that HE thinks he needs to be, he wants to know that you’re in his corner. You’re pulling for him. You’re shouting down all the naysayers and going “You watch what my husband can do! He can do whatever his sets his mind to!” And though he might pull the “oh hon, stop” thing, inside, he can’t stop smiling. You just made his day.

2. He wants to know you enjoy(ed) sex – Ever notice that your husband may bring up a sexual interlude that you had last night, or the day before, and say things like “Man, that was great the other night!”, or “Did you like when we did (insert sexual activity) a couple of days ago?” Yeah, that’s because he’s hoping to hear¬†you say something like “Amazing? Amazing doesn’t even begin to describe it! When you were doing (insert activity here) to me, I thought I was going to go to heaven right there!” – or something like that. ūüėČ Every man has this deep desire to know that his wife thinks he’s amazing in bed. Don’t ask me why. I just know it’s true. Everything from enhancement pills, to ads on TV is telling him that he “needs to be better/longer/bigger/etc in bed, and in the back of his mind he’s asking “I wonder if she thinks I’m boring, not big enough, or not good at pleasing her?” And if he’s NOT the world’s best lover? Just focus on the things he IS good at in bed, and tell him about those. That will do way more to encourage him to grow in the other areas he’s not so good at, than telling him he is bad at them. Make sure he knows you LOVE being with him sexually, and when he rocks your world, tell him all about it – ¬†in vivid detail!

3. He wants to hear “Thanks” sometimes – This one’s pretty simple. Your husband works hard every day to bring home enough money to either support, or help support the family. He doesn’t need it much, but every 6 months or so, look him in the eye, and tell him “Hey babe, you’ll never know how much it means to me that you work hard for our family every day. Thanks for getting up when you don’t feel like it, for dealing with crabby customers, and going to work for me and our family.” Little comments like that go a long way for your husband.

4. He wants you to sexually surprise him sometimes – Most likely, your husband is pretty satisfied with your sex life. The “normal” thing you do, works great 8 out of 10 times, and for the most part, he wouldn’t change a thing. But every once in a while, surprise him with something different. Maybe it’s YOU coming on to HIM. Maybe it’s a different location. Maybe it’s you texting him at work and telling him you can’t wait to (fill in the blank) to him tonight. Maybe it’s giving him the normal “I’m home from work hug”, but letting your hand slide down a little further then you normally do, to let him know what’s on the schedule later. The little things like that let your husband know that you still like having sexual fun with him, like you used to BEFORE the kids invaded the house. ūüėČ Even if you didn’t come up with the idea, and go along with an idea that is “out of the ordinary” for you two, that’s fine. Just don’t roll your eyes, or give “the sigh” when he says “Hey babe, wanna do it (_______) tonight!”

5. He’d love you to give him a NAKED massage – Yeah, you read that right. A naked one. Here how it works. He gets home from work after having a bad day. You say “Sorry you day was lousy honey. Tonight after the kids go to bed, I’ll give you a massage.” Just leave it at that. Then, when the time comes, tell him to go lay face down on the bed, or wherever you’re giving the massage, because you have to “get ready”. See how long it takes him to notice you’re just wearing panties (if that). TIP: Tell him you can’t quite get his back well enough standing, so you’re going to have to straddle him “for better reach”. Sure, it might turn into a shorter massage session then you might have with a “clothed massage”, but let’s just say your husband will have a hard time remembering why his day was so bad. ūüėČ

6. He loves it when you smell¬†good/look nice when he comes home from work – He will never mention this, but he loves it when he comes home from work, and you smell good, and look like you didn’t just roll our of bed. From the day that he started dating you, he’s always liked how you always smell good, and you know we think you’re the most beautiful girl he knows. Now don’t get me wrong, he knows¬†you’ve been with the kids all day long, and feel like you’ve been run over by a herd of elephants, so he’s not talking 4 inch heels and a dress. Just have jeans and a t-shirt on, run a brush through your hair, and blast a quick spray of that perfume that he really likes. Just this little effort, goes a long way in telling your husband you care about him, and know that he loves looking at you, and being close to you.

7. He loves it when you build him up around friends – Say you’re hanging out in a group, or with another couple. Your husband LOVES it when you compliment him about something in public. Makes him feel about 10 feet tall. For example, say you’re talking in the group with another wife, about what your husbands do for work. Instead of saying “Bryan (your husband) works in construction.” Say something like “Bryan works in construction, you should see some of the work he does. He’s really good at it.”¬†It doesn’t require 10 seconds more to say, but let me tell you, your husband will be beaming. He wants/needs your affirmation that he’s good at what he does, even if it’s working at the gas station. This is HUGE for him.

8. He loves it when you compliment his um, well….his…..oh, you know what I mean. – Another one of the things he’ll never tell you to do, but next time you are in the middle of foreplay, and you look down to see that he’s quite excited to be there, say something like “Wow! You look huge tonight!” Anything to that effect. Just watch what it does to his confidence.

9. He needs you to assure him that he’s being a good dad. This is one thing a lot of guys (including myself) feel like they never quite measure up to. They really feel the weight of being a good role model, etc, but always feel like we fail when it counts, or shouldn’t have yelled at the kids that time, or maybe I should have acted differently that time, etc. When you notice him doing something good with the kids, say “Hon, you’re a really good dad. Just want you to know that.” Also, if he doesn’t put on the baby’s diaper on quite like you do, or handles a situation with the kids differently than you would have, avoid the urge to jump in and “do it right”. It makes him feel like he’s another one of the kids. He’s doing the best he can. Don’t micro manage ¬†how he does it.

10. He loves it when you ask if you can help There are a lot of times we feel overwhelmed with life, work, chores, church commitments, etc, but don’t want to ask you for help, because we don’t want to add to your already seemingly massive load. What we don’t realize, is that most times you WANT to support and help us, but are waiting for us to ask you. Well, most times, we won’t. But don’t be afraid to ask! Just say something like “Hey hon, I’ve noticed you’re a bit overwhelmed lately. Can I do anything to help?” Most likely he’ll welcome the help, and appreciate that you noticed.

11.¬†Sometimes he wishes you’d just give him a hand-job Yes, again, that’s what I said. Hey, I told you I’m being honest here. If you know it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, and you know he’s frustrated about it, but you still don’t feel like having sex (period, bad timing, etc), don’t ask, just roll over to his side of the bed, and offer him a hand-job. I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter if your mind is “into it”, or if your “emotionally ready”, or whatever other thing you might try to throw in there for a reason that you just don’t feel like giving him one. He needs to be with you sexually. You can’t “go all the way” right now. But you CAN help him make it until you feel like it.¬†It may be hard for you to believe, but you will be the biggest hero on earth to your husband if you take the 3 minutes it takes, to help relieve the urge that is ever-present on his mind until you do. Oh, and he will be much easier to live with for the next few days. I know it’s hard for you girls to believe that the whole world can be solved with a hand-job, but sometimes for your husband, it can.

Bad Sex Life? Here are Some Reasons Why.

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Not satisfied with your current sex life? You’re not alone. Here are a few things that don’t help it get any better.

Kids in your bed. – Oh I can hear the comments now, but before you try to figure out where I live, so you can slash my tires, hear me out. If you have kids sleeping with you on a REGULAR (in other words more than not) basis, it is having a negative impact on your sex life. If there has ever been a libido killer, it would be getting kneed in the head by your 4-year-old all night long. Here’s the deal – your marriage bed is just that – YOURS. It’s not the community bed, it’s not the “I don’t want to deal with making you sleep in your own bed, so just get in” bed, it’s the bed that you and your wife sleep (and hopefully have lots of sex) in. You shouldn’t have to get through 2 or 3 other small bodies, before you can spoon with your wife. Now I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions – sick kids, bad dreams, etc, but even then, they need to know that this is mommy and daddy’s bed, and they have their own bed to sleep in. Is it easier to just give in? You bet. Have we even done that for a night? Once or twice, yes. But for crying out loud, please don’t let it become a habit. Oh, and it’s MUCH easier to keep it from starting, then it is to stop it AFTER it’s been going on for 6 months.

No LUBE. – Your erection doesn’t always equal her wetness. Sorry, wish it did. Maybe before kids, but not now. And let me tell you, sex without lubrication is just plain painful. Find a lube you both like (The best hands down we have ever found is the Pjur Bodyglide. Best. Lube. Ever.) And then get yourself a small nice looking (could be tinted glass, etc) pump bottle, and keep it on the nightstand beside your bed. Tell the kids it’s hand sanitizer. Or Lotion. Or massage oil. The point is, you don’t want to have to be running to the closet, or lifting up the mattress, to be digging out a lube bottle, during the heat of the moment. Make it easy to access, and ready when you need it.

Not talking about what your expectations are. – If you are expecting to have sex 4 times a day, and she is thinking twice a week, you’re both going to be a bit annoyed/surprised when the other person doesn’t seem to be on the same page. Get it all out in the open. How many times a week would be ok for you? What things would you like to do/try, etc. and be honest about it all! At least then even if you’re worlds apart in your desires/needs, you can at least navigate to some sort of compromise, that doesn’t leave you both wanting to scream all the time.

Porn. – No matter what anybody will try to tell you, porn will NEVER make your sex life better. It if seems to, it is only short-lived, and ends up with one party feeling hurt/not good enough, instead of loved and treasured. You can read more about that HERE. The other thing about porn, is that it turns your “normal” sex drive into a “hyper” sex drive, due to the almost constant mind stimulation. Plus, you’re no longer horny for you wife, you’re horny because you looked at porn, and now you want to use your wife to satisfy that urge. The urge that never started with her in the first place. Take it from a guy who’s been there and has learned the hard way that it’s NOT worth it. I don’t care if your wife never has sex with you, porn is a lie, and while it may seem to satisfy the need, it really just leads to more despair. Don’t use it.

Lack of communication with your wife. – Listen guys, if your wife doesn’t feel like she knows what’s on your heart, shares in any of the things you are struggling with, or that you even care about what happened to her during the day, it’s going to be hard swimming for you later that night when you crawl into bed after watching the 10pm SportsCenter and mention that you’re horny. Yeah, not happening. You have got to keep the lines of communication open with your bride! Ask her how she’s doing. Ask her what’s on her heart. Ask her how you can be a better husband to her, support her more, or take a load off of her. Roll up your sleeves, and get in there! I know it’s hard, I know we hate talking about the little things after a long day at work, but if you want her to be able to respond to you more sexually, you’re going to have to do some of the work to get there. You can’t expect her to not see you or hear from you all day, and then lay back say “take me now” when you crawl into bed.

Staying up until the wee hours of the morning, playing video games. – This one really shouldn’t be hard to understand, but I get emails from wives about it all the time. “My husband won’t come to bed with me, so we never have sex.” Or “My husband is so wrapped up in video games when he get’s home from work, he doesn’t make time to talk to me anymore.” Come on men, we’re not 14 anymore. Video games are cool, but you didn’t marry¬†a video game, you married your wife, remember? If she is begging for your time, or good grief – for you to come to bed and have sex with her, I think you’ve let the video games become WAY too important, and may want to look at taking the wedding band off of the PlayStation, and putting it back on your wife’s finger.

Being BAD at it. – Let’s face it guys, there’s not much to us being satisfied sexually. For us, it’s pretty simple – insert tab A, into slot B, and move back and forth for a while. For our wives however, we need to have a bit of skill, or “know how”, to make sure they are enjoying it just as much as we seem to effortlessly do. (Read more about how to do that HERE)¬†Let me put it plainly – know your wife’s vagina. Yes, I said VAGINA. You need to know what she likes, you need to know where all the pleasure zones are, you need to learn how to stimulate them, etc. Don’t know how? Get yourself a book, or find something online, whatever you choose to do, but it’s time we stop saying “well golly, I didn’t know there was a G-spot!”, and other naive¬†things, and start raising the bar a little. It’s not rocket science, it just takes some effort. If the feeling you got out of sex every time was “that’s it?!”, I’m pretty sure you would have more headaches too.

Too Many Distractions! – Life get’s crazy; ¬†kids running around everywhere, bills to pay, budgets to write, school work to grade, deadlines to meet – the list goes on! Sometimes you need to just GET AWAY for a few days to some little cabin where the cell phones don’t work, and there ain’t no Wi-Fi. Some place where you actually have to be alone with each other, with NOTHING to do. Well, not nothing, but nothing that needs to be done while your clothes are on. Be willing to take those times away, and get to know each other again. Send the kids to the grandparents, or friends, or wherever, and learn to GET AWAY. Sometimes what your sex life needs is just some privacy. Don’t underestimate the power of some time away.

Ok, how about you? What are some things you’ve figured out, that kill the mood, or the chance of the mood happening?

“What’s the big deal about Underwear?” (A post for the wives)

This is a re-post from 2012 –¬†

Ok, am I really devoting a whole post to the subject of underwear? Sure am! And here’s why –

I’ve heard a lot of wives say “I just don’t think like my husband does. I wish I could just get inside his head sometimes”. First, I’m not sure you really mean that, since you might find it pretty boring at times (he really only thinks about one thing at a time?!), but there’s also a very good reason you don’t’ think like he does: You’re not a man. Men have a tendency to think thoughts that make wives get that look on their face of “really? when I do that, it makes you feel this way?”¬†Trust me, every husband knows the look.¬†It’s the same look you would give us if we suddenly told you that we wanted to try and build a rocket in the back yard that would put the first man on Mars.

That being said, I wanted to let you amazing wives in on a little secret, and it has to do with your underwear. But first, a little disclaimer – I’m telling you in this post how MOST husbands/guys think. There is always an exception to this rule, but odds are, your husband thinks like this. If you can read the following with an open mind, and with an attitude of “I want to learn how my husband thinks“, you’ll be blown away by how it will affect your husband if you try it.Ok, here goes –

What a wife chooses to wear for underwear, is a big deal for her husband. I know, I can see your eyes rolling already, but stay with me here. What a wife has a hard time understanding at times, is how much¬† this “talks” to her husband about how much she loves, desires, and cares about not only their sex life, but him in general. For example, if you’re always wearing black or tan “granny panties” and matching very “functional” but not at all “flirty” bra, you’re “saying”¬† TO HIM that you don’t really care about your sex life much, and you have pretty much given up on being flirty or fun in that area, for the sake of “hey, it’s just underwear, and it works just fine”.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that it was much easier to do this kind of thing, and actually think about it, BEFORE those little humans invaded your home called “children”. We get it if you need to wear a nursing bra (and no, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cute nursing bra) for those times in life when you’re breastfeeding. No problem. But the tendency is that once you’ve traded in the “sexy” for the “practical”, it’s just easier to not go back. And it matters to your husband. He may not say it, or even mention it anymore, but I guarantee he notices.

What’s the big deal? It’s just underwear! It’s not like anybody sees it besides him anyway. I don’t want to spend the extra money on cute panties, when I could just go to Costco and buy a 12 pack for $10!”

To a wife, that makes perfect sense, but let me let you in on what your husband is “hearing” when you decide to spend a few extra bucks on the cute, flirty, and a little sexier set. He is hearing things like “My wife knows that I’m the only person that ever sees those parts of her, but still takes the extra effort to know what I like, and wear them for me”. It makes your husband feel like he is still the priority over the kids, over your yoga class, over all the other stuff in your day. It makes him feel secure in knowing that you VALUE your intimate time together. It makes him feel like you desire him. It makes him feel like you VALUE him, and get a kick out of giving him little “thrills” like this. It also drives him crazy (in a good way), guessing on what you might be wearing “under there” that only he gets to see later. I know it’s a hard one to understand, but¬†basically¬†by wearing cute, flirty underwear, you’re telling your husband you love, desire, and take delight in enticing him (even though you may not understand the big deal) in this way. Who knew that underwear could say so much?!

One other thing, because I know you’re thinking it – Cute, sexy underwear, doesn’t have to be uncomfortable! I’m not¬†suggesting¬†you always have to wear some kind of leather thong, or push up bra! What I’m asking you to do, is find out what kind of underwear your husband likes, and to do that, maybe even take him shopping for it with you! Let me tell you, if you have a hard time getting him to give you a clothing budget, you will more than likely have no issue finding the “funding” for this shopping trip, if you word it something like this – “Hey hon, I was wanting to go shopping for some cuter panties and bra sets. Maybe you could even show me some you like. Would that be ok?”¬† – and watch that man go for his wallet! ūüôā Another thing, guys get a little uncomfortable in “those kind” of stores, so when you go in, YOU have to make it look like it was YOUR idea to everyone watching. Then when you get to the picking them out part, he’s probably going to be a little shy to take the lead, and start picking stuff out, so a way that works good, is to pretend your “browsing” through the different panties/bras, and the whole time be quietly giving him the “yes or no?” look. He’ll be THRILLED that you are letting him have a say in what you choose. And don’t be afraid to compromise! Odds are, he’ll be a little more interested in the lace thong, than you will be, but maybe go for the more “normal” set with a lace back, or something like that. He’s still have a big goofy grin on his face, and you’ll end up with panties/bras you’ll actually be able to wear on a daily basis.

You have no idea how much your husband is in awe of your nude form. It’s hard for wives to understand this, because they sometimes have issues with how they think they look, or are insecure about that little bit of leftover baby weight. But let me tell you without a shadow of a doubt, your husband couldn’t care less. When he looks at you, he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Please understand this. You are his vision of beauty.¬†Weight¬†doesn’t matter.¬†Stretch¬†marks¬†don’t¬† matter. All that matters for him is the attitude you set forth when we tries to look at you in that way. He doesn’t want/need you to change anything before you “look good enough”. He’s totally happy with how you look now. Your husband is totally in love with the woman he married, and that is all¬†he’s¬†thinking about when he looks at you. (ok, so maybe a few other thoughts I can’t type out on a blog, but mostly that). When you show him that you not only “put up” with him looking at you in this way, but LIKE, and even ENCOURAGE it, you will have thought you had just given him the world. I guess, Because¬†in a small way, you just did.

Walls; Easier to build, than to tear down.

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We took our family to the Oregon Coast this Summer, for our yearly trip to the beach. There’s just something about the raw power of the ocean, and the crisp salt air, that makes us look forward to coming back every year.

As I do every year, I helped the kiddos build a giant sand castle, complete with walls, and a gate, and a moat – all designed to “beat the ocean” and keep the sand castle from melting into the sand again. When the water would come in, we’d build the walls bigger again – knowing it was futile, but wanting to “save the castle!”.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about walls. Now in the example of the sand castle, keeping the¬† walls UP is a good thing. In my marriage, the goal is to keep them down.

It’s a strange concept though. Keeping your walls down. We’re trained from childhood that we need to “protect ourselves”, and “if you put yourself out there, you’ll get stomped on”. Then we get into marriage – a relationship that is supposed to be the most intimate relationship you will ever have on earth – and we still try to be “just vulnerable enough”, so that we feel connected, but also protected enough, that if our spouse does something to hurt us, we can pull back into our walls and tell ourselves “see, that’s why I need to keep them up”.

But how do we ever truly “know” our spouse, if we refuse to become vulnerable? For example, say your wife makes a comment that could be taken wrong, like “you want sex again!?” Or “You never spend time with me.” At that point we have two options. We can put a few bricks on the wall that will eventually separate us, or was can look past the cut of the words, to what is probably causing it, and respond in love.

It can even be little things that we pick up during the day.¬†The things that are so trivial, it’s hard to believe we even register them, but are mentally adding bricks to the wall between us. Brick, by brick, by brick. And we wonder why, after about a week of this (or longer), that we feel disconnected. Huh, maybe it’s that 6 foot high wall between you. Yeah, the one that we refuse to look at because “well, it’s mostly her fault anyway”. Yeah. Sure it is.

So I’ve been making it my mission lately to be a “wall watcher” in my marriage. To be on the lookout for little things that if left alone, will hinder the intimacy between my wife and I.

If a remark is made, and I feel my “what did she mean by that?!” reaction¬†come up, instead of clunking another brick on the pile, I say “hey hon, I don’t think I took that like you meant it. Is there something you need, that I’m not doing? If so, I want to hear about it.” Don’t jump right to being on the defensive.

Walls can be a good thing, or a bad thing. You want to build a wall AROUND your marriage, NOT in BETWEEN the two people in it.

Husbands: Ten Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her

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Ok MEN, it’s your turn on the old “ten things” list. And no, most of these don’t involve sex, sorry to disappoint. ūüėČ

As with all of these type of lists, make sure you don’t take them at face value. This is simply a way to give you a few ideas, that you can tailor to your wife’s likes/dislikes.

Ready? Here goes –

1. Hold her hand for no reason. Yeah, that means not just when you’re thinking of her without her clothes on. Remember the thrill that holding hands gave you when you were dating? Well, our wives STILL love it when we reach over and hold their hand. It shows her that no matter how busy/crazy life is/will be, you’re still in love with HER.

2. Look her in the eye and tell her she’s beautiful. Notice I said look her in the EYE? In other words, not while you’re looking at her boobs. Our wives need you hear they are beautiful from US. Not from the kids, not from their girlfriends, not from her mom,¬† but from US. They might not say it, but they have thoughts like “I wonder if he still thinks I’m pretty?” quite a bit. Make SURE you let her know she’s still a “10” in your eyes.

3. Do things around the house that you may not think are in your “job description”. Don’t give me “Oh, I don’t like changing diapers”, or “I’m tired after a long day at work, I don’t want to help with dishes”.¬† As my mom used to tell us kids, “what, is your arm broken?” when we’d say we didn’t want to pitch in with the household stuff. It doesn’t matter if your wife stays home with the kids, or works out of the home – most times she’s exhausted by the time dinner comes around, so surprise her with a “hey babe, I’ll get the dishes tonight, why don’t you go sit on the deck and read that book you’ve been wanting to catch up on?” After she picks herself up off the floor, you’ll be amazed at how fast she’ll disappear. Sure it’s not fun, but man up. She’ll love you all the more for it.

4. Leave her sweet little notes – I can hear you groaning from here. Ok, it doesn’t have to be anything Shakespearean. Just a quick “I love more than anything”, or “Thanks for everything you do, I love you!”. It does much more than you may think when our wives find those notes from us. It shows them we are thinking about them, and that’s HUGE to them.

5. Make sure sex is good for HER also –¬†Ok, so there’s one about sex. But it’s not about you. I hear so many wives complaining about how their husbands want sex all the time, but have no interest in making/learning how to make it better for THEM. Come on guys! This isn’t what we’re going for! Get rid of the attitude that “sex is mostly for the guy” and start learning about HER body, and how to make HER feel good. Be a student of your wife’s body. How she likes to be touched, what turns HER on, etc. Don’t always be so concerned about what YOU get out of it. Remember, marriage is about giving, and your marriage bed is a huge part of that.

5. Tell her you LOVE her – A LOT – “Oh come on, every guy does that! I say it all the time!” Yeah, you’d think this would be a no brainer, but it is a lot harder than we may think. As guys we may THINK we say it all the time, but I challenge you to count how many times you’ve said it today. Once? Maybe when you called on your lunch break? Yeah, our wives have a constant need to be reassured that we love them. It may seem strange to us guys, but it’s true. You can’t tell your wife you love her “too much”, but you can very easily say it “too little”.

6. Date her –¬†No, that trip through the drive through with the kids last night was not a date. She wants you to pursue her, just like you did BEFORE you said “I do”. Plan nights out for just the two of you. Doesn’t have to be expensive, just as long as it’s you two spending time together. Could be a romantic dinner out. Could be something as simple as a walk by the lake, or in the park. What matters is that YOU planned it, and YOU took the time to be with HER and put everything else aside for a couple of hours. TIME MATTERS to our wives.

7. Make time to LISTEN to her –¬†Yes, this involves turning off ESPN for a little while. Here’s the deal – your wife wants to feel important to you. If you are always listening to her talk with one eye on the top 10 plays, she’s not feeling like she’s very important. INVEST the time to sit down every couple of days with your wife, turn off the TV, put the cell phone away, sit down face to face, and say “Ok hon, I’m all yours. What’s going on in your world lately?” Resist the urge to solve problems, and instead empathize with her, listen to her, and make her feel like you actually care about her day. May seem simple, but this is SO important to our wives feeling loved and understood.

8. Surprise her with little gifts – Have you ever been walking through a store with your wife and she going on about something that she’d “love to have” someday? I know, most times you’re only half listening, because you’re also walking past the electronics department at the time, but try to REMEMBER those little things she mentions. The vase that she thought would look good on the table by the door. The necklace she stopped to admire. It could be anything! Some time when she’s not expecting it (in other words, not a birthday, or Christmas), buy it for her, and surprise her with it! You get a double bonus from this one – one for surprising her with something she wanted, and another for actually remembering she mentioned it, and following through.

9. Give her time to do things WITHOUT you or the kids – I go over this more in-depth in my post “Kick your wife out of the house”, but to sum it up, we need to remember that our wives need time to get away for a little while and clear their heads/relax. You try taking care of 2 or 3 needy, crying, energetic kids for 10 hours or so, and see how you feel at the end of it. When you get home from work and see that “I’m about to pull my hair out and curl up in a fetal position” look, have the decency to say “hey hon, do you want to head down to Starbucks for couple hours tonight after dinner? Just to “reset” a little?” Not only will she come back a lot calmer, but also refreshed, and ready to face another day and be the wife/mother she wants to be. Don’t see the warning signs, and go “oh well, I don’t get a break, why should she?”. Make sure your wife is getting time to herself. You’ll notice a BIG difference in almost every category.

10. Kiss her for no reason – In other words, kiss her out of the blue, and not just when you want it to lead somewhere. Maybe it’s right in the middle of doing dishes, or as you walk by her in passing. There nothing like laying one on your wife when she’s least expecting it. After the “what was that for?”, you be able to say “oh, just because you’re beautiful, and I couldn’t resist”. Watch her eyes light up!

So there you have it! Ten things you can do for your wife, that will show her how much you still love/care for her. What are some ways you’ve found show you care/love your wife?

Wives: 10 Ways to Put a Big Goofy Grin on Your Husband’s Face

No_Cash_No_Credit_Investing

 

Ok wives, let’s face it – your husband thinks a bit differently than you do about sex. I’m sure there has been a time or two when your husband tells you something about what he would like to do sexually, and you’ve ¬†looked at him with that “he just said what?” look your face and said “You want to do what again?”

Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. We are kind of strange at times, and that’s the whole point of this post. How are you supposed to think like your husband about sex, when you’re NOT a guy?

Well, that’s where this little list comes in! But first a couple of things to get out of the way:

1. This list is like a “one size fits most” hat. It will probably fit your husband, but there are always those guys with really big or small heads. Use what you can from it, ignore the rest.

2. This is not a list like you find in Redbook in one of their “10 ways to please your man” lists. It does not require you to order a topless Mrs. Claus suit. Rather, this is a list for the regular, everyday husband, who adores his wife, ¬†probably has a few young kiddos running around, and is wondering if there will ever be time for a sex life again.

“Ten ways to put a big goofy grin on your husband’s face” (without having to buy a topless Mrs Claus suit):

– After the kids go to bed one night, tell him you’re declaring it a “topless movie night”, and no one is allowed to wear shirts. (Odds are, he won’t remember much of the plot of the movie, but he’ll be in 7th heaven)

– Send him a picture of one of your “for his eyes only” parts, via text or email (or using a couples app like Avocado, or Couple), with a message like “Later” attached. He will think about it all day.

– When you sit down on the couch with him to watch tv after the kids go down, wear a skirt, sit at the end of the couch with your feet facing him, and “forget” to wear panties. See how long it takes him to notice.

– When you’re somewhere simi-private with him, let your hand slowly run over his (ahem) and tell him “I can’t wait until we go to bed later”

– When you’re getting dressed in the morning, say “hey hon, can you come pick the panties you want me to wear today, and then take off of me tonight? I’m not sure which ones to wear”

– Join him in the shower one morning out of the blue, when he left you in bed “sleeping”. Ask him if you can help him wash those hard to reach areas. He won’t mind being late for work that morning.¬†

– Set your alarm a little earlier than his, and find “creative ways” to wake him up. I’m not going to expound on that one.¬†

– After the kids are in bed, go into your bedroom saying you’re going to change into your PJ’s. Come out completely naked, and sit down by him like there’s nothing up. Maybe grab a magazine and start thumbing through it like everything’s normal. Oh, and make sure you help him pick his jaw up off the floor. You may need it later. ūüėČ

– When you’re riding in the car together (not driving), text him with an explanation of what you’d like to do to him later when you get home.¬†

– If he’s leaving on a business trip, or has to be away for a few days, make him a “private video” for him to watch when he calls you later that night. Just be sure he has a way to hide it on his phone (Audio Manager on Android platform is a great app for this). Might not be a great one to accidentally come up during a business presentation.¬†

– During a dinner out, or trip to the store, lean over and whisper to him that you’re not wearing any panties. Just be prepared to get home a little sooner than you may have intended.¬†

So there you go! a few things you can do to completely floor your hubby, and make him wonder how the heck you know exactly how to drive him wild all the time. Have fun, and remember, these are just ideas. You know your husband’s likes/desires more than anyone, so ¬†make sure you tailor them to fit your guy. However you adjust them though, you can make sure that he won’t be able to get that goofy grin off of his face for a while. ūüėČ

The Danger of Silence.

Young Couple Sitting on Love Seat

 

It continues to amaze me at how long it takes me to learn certain things about my marriage. Things that after I discover them, seem so simple. I guess that’s why I write about them when I stumble across them – hoping that I’m not the last person on earth to figure them out. Here’s the latest one I’ve “discovered”.

A couple of weeks ago, Val and I were feeling disconnected. Nothing huge was wrong, and by all outside appearances, we looked fine. Maybe a little crabby towards each other, but nothing anybody would notice. If you didn’t know us very well, you would think everything was great. We were still giving little pecks on the lips before bed, putting on a fake smile throughout the day, and doing a great job of being roommates. We both knew something was wrong, but we couldn’t really pin point what IT, was.

This went on for about a week, until we ended up having what we like to call a “forced date night” (Grandparents came over, took the kids, and told us to get out of here). While we were at dinner, I said “ok, I what’s wrong with us lately? I don’t know what it is, but I hate it.”¬†My wife said “I don’t know, but I don’t like it either”. After talking through it, you wanna know what the whole problem was?! (I know you’re on the edge of your seat) It all came down to one thing:

We were both expecting the other person to meet an unspoken need/desire that each of us had. 

At some point we had both been slightly offended that the other one hadn’t met an unspoken “need” that we had earlier that week, and it was a need which seemed really obvious to us, but had not been noticed at all by the other person. And instead of just saying “hey hon, I really need you to (insert need)”, we decided to get a little attitude about it and pull a “well fine then, I guess I don’t matter very much to him/her if they can’t see what I pretty obviously need! I’m just going to wait, and let him/her figure it out. They can’t be that oblivious”. And so it went for a week or so. Both of us getting a little more irked as each day went on, but refusing to say anything, or ask, due to what really came down to our pride. We both wanted the other person to “get a clue” and “do what he/she is supposed to do”¬†or basically¬†“figure out what is so darn obvious!”.¬†And because neither of us ended up being very good mind readers, we were resenting each other. Yeah, pretty stupid huh?

Let me sum it up this way –

Your spouse has NO IDEA what your thinking, or what you may need (most of the time), unless you tell them. 

Why do we get the idea that just because our spouse has been married to us for “x amount of years”, they suddenly become mind readers? And I can hear you saying “well yeah, but come on! He/she has to have some sort of idea on what I need/like/desire after being around me all that time!”. Yes, it’s true that you probably know your husband/wife more than maybe anyone else on the planet, but even so, how are they to know what you need at any given time, if you don’t even ask?!

There are so many times I hear comments from couples like “Well, he had better figure it out that I need a date night once a week”, or “She’s gotta know I need sex 3 or 4 times a week! How hard is that to figure out?” And so we go through our marriages, disappointed that the other person isn’t “doing what they’re supposed to do”, but yet refusing to calmly sit down with them, and say “hey honey, I know you’ve been really busy lately, but I would really like to (insert need). Would you help me with this?”

Wouldn’t that be so much simpler?! What an amazing idea – actually ASK for things we need our spouse to do for us. Not just hope and pray that can play “mind pictionary”, and guess what we need.

What if on a daily basis, we went to each other and said something like “hey hon, I’m just checking in to see what you need today” and doing it with a servant’s heart – really WANTING to give the other person what they needed to feel loved, cared for, and important? Would that be so hard? Not at all. But for some reason it seems strange, because we go back to that old “oh come on, he/she shouldn’t have to be told what I need, they should just know” garbage. Well, let me let you in on a little secret: IT DOESN’T WORK. Take it from me, the idiot who has tried it for years – you’d be more productive going outside, sitting on your deck, and waiting for the moon to turn purple.

So, for us, from that date night on, we promised each other that we wouldn’t do the “guessing game” anymore, and that if we needed something, we would try to be better at laying down our pride, and simply asking. For some reason we get this idea that our spouses are sitting there going “nope! I’m not going to give him what he/she needs!”, When in reality, they wouldn’t mind at all, and most likely would love to – if they could only read your mind.