If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being forced by someone to do something. Not because It’s from my heart, but because that’s what you’re “supposed to do”.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never been a big fan of Valentines day. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a GREAT idea to be romantic with your wife, get her flowers, make dinner for her, put rose petals on the bed, etc, etc – I guess I just feel that you should be doing that ANYWAY, not just on the one day that Hallmark decided we should.
It’s like all the stores that sell all the pink Mylar balloons, the heart-shaped candy boxes, the cards, the 62 inch teddy bears holding a heart that says “be mine”, all got together and said, “What kind of holiday can we create where we force people to buy stuff every year, even if it’s not really something they want to do?” It’s a perfect plan really. Guys feel guilty, and even if their wives say “don’t get me anything this year”, you always wonder if they’re just saying that, and get something anyway. Drives me batty.
All this being said, how do we get around it though? How do we get out of HAVING to do something spectacular on Valentines Day, just because “that’s what you do”?
Well, here’s the funny part. You’d think the wives would LOVE the holiday right? After all, it’s all about romantic things, over-sized cards, girly colors, etc. Sounds like a girl’s dream! Well, here’s the truth – I’ve had a ton of wives say that they “hate” Valentines day. Hate it. That’s a strong word. And you know why? Because they KNOW that their husband is just doing this stuff, not from his heart (or not totally anyways), but because he HAS to. She would much rather have him do/buy something because he saw it, made him think of her, and decided to bring it home for her. Not for the “I have to” reason.
So I would like to pose the question to all husbands – What if we just did the things that we’re “supposed to do” on Valentines Day – the entire year?
And no, I don’t mean you have to bring home a 36″ Mylar heart balloon every day. Please, DON’T do that. What I mean is, what if we keep the romance/gifts/pursuing of our wives going all year-long, when Valentines Day comes around, your wife will be so used to having you do that stuff for her anyway, and actually doing it from your heart, Valentines day, and all the foof that comes with it, seems kind of sad and pathetic.
To me, if we as husbands have to wait for someone to TELL US we need to go out and buy a bunch of roses, or something little that we know she’d like, or light the candles and put rose pedals on the bed every once in a while, we deserve the pain/frustration that comes with heading down to the local Hallmark to find that half-hearted gift/bouquet on V-Day. Don’t be that guy!
Be the husband who thrives on making his bride feel like he’s pursuing her like he did when they were dating. Be the husband that makes sure he knows what his bride’s love language is, and speaks it often. Be the husband who sees something in a store, and buys it, not because it’s expensive, or pink, or is in the shape of a heart, but because he loves his wife, and knows that little thing will make her smile.
What I’m trying to say, is if you’re like me, and get a strange nauseous feeling in your stomach when you think of Valentines day, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t just be part of the “herd” standing in line with 12 dozen red roses on the 14th. Be the one guy standing there with a dozen red roses (or whatever her favorite flower is) on January 11th, and March 1st, and September 15th. You get the idea. Maybe it’s time to decide ourselves, when we buy flowers, or teddy bears, or pajama grams. Maybe it’s time to quit letting a day in February decide when we’re romantic. Maybe it’s time to be the husband we vowed we’d be on our wedding day, all year-long.
Oh, and Happy Valentines Day.
mission:husband 
This is something I really enjoy doing. You can find really reasonably priced flowers at Kroger, Meijer, some WalMarts and other similar places. If you watch carefully they will have some price reductions as things begin to age. They may not last as long, but you can find something affordable if money’s tight or simply buy more often. If the have four of the same item on sale, mix and match the best of the four items. Swap out with the best of the rest so you don’t take home any brown edges or wilted petals. I’m not saying be a cheapskate, just keep you eyes open for the bargains if money is an issue. You can get a dozen of almost anything for less than $12 if you time it right, and many things for $6 or so.
Laughed out loud when I read this post’s title. Indeed, I’m kind of a holiday humbug, and I think it’s for exactly the reason you state: I don’t like being told to do something on a particular day. That said, I personally don’t care one whit whether my husband does anything for me on Valentine’s Day, but he’d better pull out all the stops on my birthday. See, that day feels unique to me, like it’s really about him wanting to celebrate having ME in his life.
But romance through the whole year? Yes, please. Wonderful idea!
Whoa Dude,
Watch out. You are not being forced into anything. Are you going to throw birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries into the mix too? They are forced on you to.
First check your attitude. Do a little research on the origins of the holiday. It’s a Christian thing. Valentine was a saint who died for his beliefs and love was at the center of the whole thing.
Get off your ” nobody is going to tell me what to do” horse and love your wife at all times and especially at “those times” when it is expected.
It’s all about being in love.
Even on the commercialized days. It seems like they all have been commercialized.
This is all a heart thing. Give from your heart.
Frank Walker MFT intern
Sorry man, I don’t care who it’s named after. I still don’t like it. And my wife doesn’t either. Giving to my wife from the heart is great. Hallmark telling me I “have to” or I’m just not romantic, is just a sales gig.
Birthdays and anniversarys are different, because it’s actually about the person/couple. Some made up day about chalky hearts and 6 foot stuffed teddy bears, isn’t.
But hey, if you like the holiday, by all means keep doing your thing. I hear Costco has a sale going on 142 piece chocolate hearts. 😉
Thanks for the comment!
Amen. Valentine’s day sucks! I want my husband to show me love on January 11th, March 1st & September 15th!
Bravo you said it well…My husband and I do not celebrate Valentines day!
i’m kind of with frank here. All holidays have been commercialized, and Valentines is no different. It was a celebration of love long before hallmark and mylar balloons. Just because these places have pushed to make money off of it doesn’t make the day itself bad. There is nothing wrong with setting aside a special day to demonstrate your love. It’s like stopping celebrating Christmas because we should celebrate the incarnation every day. What if rather than turn up our noses at how much better we are than valentines, we found a way to demonstrate and proclaim what real love is about?
Sorry Eric, I guess the other holidays that have been commercialized, at least matter. Nobody said the day was “bad”. Corny, yes. And I the point I was trying to make, is are husbands really that sad, that they wait until the one day that they HAVE to get something romantic for their wives, to do so? Just trying to bring up the bar a little I guess.
And like I said to Frank, if you love it, keep lovin it! Just make sure you get that order for the “Pajama -Gram” in by next Friday. 😉
Wow. My wife loves Valentines. We celebrate our love on that day. It’s fun. We have a great dinner and share cards. The world can make it what they want. However we are in this world and not of it. You valentines grinches are the same ones who won’t put up a Christmas tree when your older because it’s just not worth the trouble. I pray I never get that attitude.
Hey Tripp! And you know why you and your wife love it? Because it’s probably not the only day of the year you do that stuff. That’s the difference.
Like I said, I’m not saying it’s bad (I think I’ve said that 3 times now), I’m just saying it’s pathetic, if the 14th is what it takes to get you (as a husband) to attempt being romantic.
And geeze, I’ve never been called a grinch so far, and I’ve been called alot of names! Thanks for making that happen tonight! 🙂
I don’t go overboard on Valentine’s Day, but I do think you are being grinchy. Hallmark didn’t invent Valentine’s Day any more than they invented Christmas. If you don’t like them, you don’t have to buy their cards on any holiday, ever. I don’t hear people complaining about fireworks on the 4th of July just because we ought to appreciate our freedom every day. People complain about the commercialization of Christmas, but they can still celebrate it in an appropriate way. BTW my husband brought me flowers today, because he was at the store and thought I would like them. (I sure hope he isn’t sending me a pajama-gram for V-day, but I will be making him a chocolate pie.)
Wow! That’s two people calling me a grinch, in the same day! ::firing my grinch cannon::
Sorry all, didn’t mean to be the party pooper here, just making some pionts that I think apply to most relationships. If V-day is your thing, rock on sister!
You hate Valentine’s Day?
Maybe hate is a strong word. But if it makes you want to barf?
I understand the pressure that comes with a day like Valentine’s Day. Yes, the day is commercialized and all that. Companies, stores and ads are all telling us guys especially what we should buy to win our sweetheart’s love.
So what? Ignore the day, get out of the country or …maybe just embrace the idea behind the day and go with it. Of all the days of the year this is the only one set aside for gulp love. There are political holidays, memorial holidays and religious holidays throughout the year; this one day is set aside for love stuff. So don’t buy in to the hype surrounding the day but embrace the sentiment.
Get your loved one something that is not corny but something that tells them you love them despite the pressure of the day.
Hey, or go with the flow and get something cheesy and laugh at the absurdity of it all.
Commercialism has taken over all the holidays. The amount of hype over Halloween scares me. Martin Luther King would crack up looking at all the sales on his holiday. But that is just the society we live in and partake of. Who wouldn’t take advantage of a good sale on MLK day, as silly as it sounds?
Don’t tell me your wife wouldn’t accept some little something that you picked out for her on Valentine’s Day because the day is too commercialized.
Yes, our love should be 365 days a year but what’s wrong with one day set aside to recognize that love.
This has been a great discussion. Really.
Nothing, as long as that day is your wedding anniversary. I just don’t get why we should turn a holiday not made for our relationship at all, and go “oh man! I had better make sure I get on it! Cause they said so!”
But like I say, if u enjoy it, thats awesome!
I am so blessed to be married (17 years to a super duper guy after being divorced for 17 years). We don’t celebrate Valentines, both believe it a holiday about sexual encounters. I am cherished and treated special every day and loved in ways I still don’t fathom. Only God could have gotten us together, we had three dates, God told me he was the protector of my heart and keeper of my soul and he has been that for 17 years. Neither one of us has had a paying job for over two years so no $ for much but lots of special times.
Thanks for this blog and all you do in the mmmmarriage community.
Missionhusband, Valentines day has definitely been commercialized pretty much like every other holiday which pisses me off incredibly however, I still don’t mind because it just reminds me to pay some special attention to my wife during that time. Do I get suckered into all the gifts…roses…chocolates and stuff. NO way but I do still try to do something nice. For example, cooking for her or having a special meal prepared for her etc. Buying gifts and stuff like that really makes me feel I’m getting suckered. As such, I don’t participate in that so I’m with you man… it makes me sick how the markets manipulate people into buying Valentines gifts…Memorial Day gifts….Christmas Gifts.. “You Name It Holiday Gifts”.